Well, I thought that I had a rather lengthy list of things to do to fill the free time I knew I would have this month, but I must be either lazy or impulsive, because I don't feel like I'm doing a lot of them. (Lazy because I'm just wasting time, or impulsive because I do whatever activity presents itself at the moment.)
Well, I take that back. Maybe I'm just being hard on myself, because I have accomplished a few things:
- My room is cleaner than it's been in months
- I've been taking care of a ton of those random tasks that pop up
- I've scheduled an interview with the agency that might get me into voiceover work
- I'm in the middle of several books that have been on my list for way too long
- I voted
- I've played pseudo-mom
- I've been prepping for my trip to Quebec
- I've hung out with friends
- I've watched some TV shows that I never get to watch while I'm in school
- I've started getting involved at the Crisis Pregnancy Center
Volunteering at the CPC isI actually the thing I've been most happy about starting. I've wanted to do it for so long, and this summer, I've finally had the time. I'm actually writing from the front desk right now, since it's pretty slow.
It's been great getting to know the ladies here and observing how the center works on a daily basis. I had the chance to hold an adorable 3 month old little boy today while his mom looked through baby clothes, and last week, I had the privilege of watching as an abortion bound young woman came in for an ultrasound and discovered that she was expecting twins. As soon as she saw the images, she looked up at one of the volunteers and said, "This is really special, isn't it?" She was glowing with excitement when she walked out of the office. Of course, there are moments of every day here that are not so joyous. In fact, looking into the eyes of 18 year old girls who have already had one or two abortions is heartbreaking. What really touches my heart when I see those girls is the fact that they are no different inside than I am. They face the same questions, fears, doubts, and decisions that I face. Without Christ, without my family, without the friends that I have – only God knows what kind of situations I could have found myself in over the years. I can only hope and pray that what I'm doing here truly conveys to them how much I care. If I could, I would reach out and hug every one of them, but for now I have to be content with a smile - and hope they understand.
I do wish that more Christians would volunteer so that the center could extend its hours. As it is, they can only stay open from 10am-3pm three days a week, which limits the number of girls they can see. People seem to underestimate the amount of time they have to give, or, sadly, they hold back what they do have for the sake of comfort. Now, if there's one thing I'm starting to realize, it's that we weren't designed to live a comfortable life.
Even in Christian circles, I see this trend: we are content with meeting the minimum requirements. An hour or two here and there, nothing we can't easily slip into our tight schedules. We say that we've done "our share," when really, we're saying that we've done all we care to do. We've done all that is absolutely required of us, or what eases our consciences.
Is that all that Christ has called us to? To do what comes easy for us and take the credit when it happens to rise above society's expectations? If we were truly devoted to a cause, we would consistently be asking how we could do
more. We would be putting in the extra hours, going beyond what is expected and doing what we know is right. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't easy. Sometimes we're called to
do hard things.If it wasn't already obvious, I've been reading the new book, "Do Hard Things" by Brett and Alex Harris. It's helped me to realize how easy it is for me to slide into that kind of effortless existence. I'm accustomed to receiving high praise for doing things that aren't commonplace in my circle of acquaintances, or just for doing normal things well, as if that were some kind of achievement. As a result, I become complacent - satisfied with my average. After all, if I'm already exceeding people's expectations, I can obviously get by without expending any extra effort. Unfortunately, I'm not called to simply exceed people's expectations. Anyone can do that; it just depends on who's setting the standards.
As for me, I know that I'm called to walk outside of my comfort zone, relying on Christ's strength to meet His standards. I believe that He asks every one of us to live this way. However, I do not believe that this kind of lifestyle will manifest itself in the same way for any one of us, because what God expects of me may not be what he expects of someone else (in a specific sense). We are each accountable to Him and only Him. He sets the standard.
In terms of "doing hard things," this means that what is hard for me may not be hard for someone else. Spending two hours volunteering at the polls may be easy for me, but a sacrifice for my next door neighbor. Likewise, my friend Jonathan could get on the phone and call a thousand people without flinching, while I would be struggling to muster the nerve to dial the first number. The way I see it, if I am not increasingly driven to rely on God's strength by something, it's not a truly "hard" thing. Of course, these things may not be large or public, but they are always significant, always worthwhile.
So, with all of that said, all I can do is pray that God will continue to work this out in my life, showing me where I'm wrong and helping me to live out what He's shown me to be right. I don't want to look back someday on a life half-lived, be it to someone else's standards or my own. I want to live with no holds barred and nothing held back. In other words, I want to live like I'm dancing, and leave
everything on the floor. If that means doing some
really hard things, so be it. After all, I've got nothing to lose.
