Feeling a bit battered...

Gah, I feel like I'm a horrible person. I've never felt such a strong urge to hate a professor or say such un-Jesusy things before. Fortunately, it was in the middle of a test, so I couldn't do anything -- but it took me a good 15 minutes to cool down and stay focused on the exam. He didn't give us a study guide before the test; he just told us to know everything from four book chapters, all of his lectures, and any bit of stray information that may have floated its way into the class. I made a detailed outline of one of the chapters, studied and highlighted the outlines of the other three that my classmates had written (after I'd read all three), and compiled all of my notes and studied them all the way through twice. I felt like I understood all of the material. He promised that he wouldn't be like his old college professor who wrote questions from the footnotes of chapters, but what did he do? He picked the trivia, the nitty-gritty details, and the things that weren't in bold type to write confusing fill-in-the-blank sentences and multiple choice trick questions. Now I know why everyone said they hated him and his god-forsaken tests. :\

I suppose that it didn't help that I had just finished a rather boring lecture on the causes of the Cold War and finished taking a French test that I didn't feel too confident about. I thought that I was ready for it, but I wasn't quite prepared for her exam style. At least I'll know for next time. As if I didn't feel battered enough by that point, this older French woman who hangs around and attends some of the classes came up to me in the hallway and asked if I was the French Club president. I could tell she wasn't asking just to say 'hello,' though. She evidently just wanted to know so that she could criticize me. I obviously wasn't doing an adequate job because she hadn't heard about the Mardi Gras party until Dr. Bailey mentioned crêpes to her last week. I tried to explain that it was planned at rather short notice, so the flyers weren't posted until late last week. That wasn't good enough for her evidently, and she had to complain about the fact that the meetings were advertised either. Of course, I had to try to communicate the fact we haven't *had* any meetings, because we've either been busy, had little interest, or hadn't had anything to meet about. The whole conversation felt like an attack, which irritated me. Of course, I haven't been a perfect or outstanding French Club President, but at least I'm trying to do *something* now.

The day did improve at the Mardi Gras party, though. There's just something about cheery Cajun music and fresh crêpes that makes everything alright with the world for a little while. I met a new Sénégalese exchange student from France and talked with him for a little while, and Dr. Bailey gave Cody and I some good ideas for French club activities. I need to apply for SAFA funding for next semester's activities later this week -- hopefully, I'll be a good president and remember. :P Unfortunately, there was a blight on even this delightful part of the day. Dr. Bailey informed me that only three upper-division French classes will be offered next fall: French Literature, taught by him, French Cinema, taught by Dr. Monty, and Advanced Grammar/Comp II, which I'm already taking. Essentially, that means I have to choose between a workload that will bring me to the brink of a nervous breakdown or a semester of hardcore feminism. Hmm, which will it be? *sigh* Can someone just shoot me now?

I wouldn't be so hesitant to take Dr. Monty again next semester if I didn't feel so abused in this class. I don't say much, so no one directly attacks me, but every rant seems to belittle my beliefs. I suppose that's not a big deal in and of itself, but in most cases, there is also a pervading attitude of condescension and disdain for anyone who could be "stupid enough" to hold those beliefs. Political viewpoints, moral convictions...it doesn't matter - they're all subject to criticism. That's why I wonder if I'm cut out for the Honors College. I've heard it's a tough place for Christians, but it's still so tempting because of the money available for studying abroad. I need to pray about it this week. One of the girls I've met recently in my classes is checking on the application process for me. If it works out, and if I feel led to do it, then it could provide me with a minor so that I can just major in French and double minor in International Studies and Honors. If I don't double minor in Honors, though, I'll still be looking for another minor. I'm not so sure I need to double major in I.S. and French anymore. Grad school can take care of that for me. Anyway.

After some rather irritating discussions about abortion, feminism, gay adoption, and socialized health care, I finally headed back to my room and decompressed for a little while before church. Amy's food was amazing tonight, and church was encouraging as usual. I love meeting God there every week - Sundays and Tuesdays - and now I'm even looking forward to meeting Him on Thursdays, too. Chris is coming up this week to meet with "us college kids," and I'm praying for amazing things to happen.

I suppose another highlight of the day was the free plate of pancakes at IHOP. Those were delicious. Granted, I need to work out hardcore tomorrow, but they were still delicious. ;) I've actually been very proud of the progress I've made in working out lately. Since all of the guys go every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, it's easier to hold myself accountable and go three times a week. I've gotten in some good work, too, since the guys are challenging and I'm competitive. Caleb and Ian are great at making up goofy games, too. I can't believe the increase in stamina and energy I've noticed lately, just from having worked out regularly for a few weeks. I can now jog a mile without stopping or spend 20 minutes apiece on the elliptical, rowing, and stairstepping machines. Several weeks ago, that would have been close to impossible. :)

Anyway, I need to get some sleep now that the pressure is off; I've taken as much beating as I can for the day. Thank goodness that His mercy is new in the morning.

Oh. Bleh. I have to get up early-ish in the morning to run through the pronunciations in my vocal piece. I forgot to work on that this week. *sigh* Oh well. At least I've had ten years of practicing how to fake in music lessons. ;) Hehehe.

Grace and peace.