It's only 9:45am, and I am so tired and bored already. I want to be done with my classes. Summer is calling my name...singing like the Sirens. It's rather inconvenient, considering that I still have a month left. There is so much to look forward to afterward, though! Ali and I will be able to stay in Conway and then move into our new apartment, and hopefully we will both have jobs by then. I'm looking forward to decorating our new home - as if having a bathroom for 2, not 4, a kitchen, and our own laundry room isn't enough to look forward to. And the free time this summer? More time to read, volunteer, work, work out...goof off. Yesssss.
So, yesterday was a good day. Ali and I dropped off our job applications, she found out her creative writing professor approves of her novel idea, and I spent some time catching up and hanging out with Nathaniel and the old high school gang. That was enjoyable, even if I did have to finish studying when I got back. We all still have a lot in common - especially a penchant for politics. There aren't many people here at school who like going in-depth with that topic like we do.
Anyway, this class is dragging on, and on, and on...and I'm having trouble staying awake. Hence the writing. I just want to get out of here, take my politics test, and get to 4pm - naptime. Then dinner, church, and Idol. But there's a lot to get through before now and then, unfortunately.
***
Funny, how Tuesdays and Thursdays improve after lunch. I feel really good about the politics test I took today, so that worry isn't weighing on me anymore. And church is tonight!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Mind Vomit
So, I've already posted once today, but I just can't go to bed without talking about how amazing my God is. It's been a rough week -- lots of ups and downs, but he's given me lots of little "hugs" throughout the week to get me through, and it's gotten better. I have been feeling down about the way I've been feeling lately, though. I've been in one of those places where I just don't "feel" passionate about God. I'm not really all that hungry for Him, and I just feel like doing my own thing. I hate it. But I have to be honest. Now I know this walk is not about "feeling" spiritual, or "feeling" like I want God, but I still wish I didn't go through these times of feeling so distant. So, I told Him tonight how I felt, because I hate feeling so selfish and guilty, and I felt like his response was..."It doesn't matter - you're still mine."
Still His.
And then Chris taught us about the importance of staying connected with one another, because we're so much more vulnerable when we allow ourselves to become distant and secretive. That's when we do things we regret. So, just an hour after he left, I had the opportunity to live it out when one friend, and then another, walked in my door needing to talk and pray together. I can't tell you how much I love my brothers and sisters here at school. We can laugh together, study together, talk together, cry together, and drop to our knees together at a moment's notice. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Tonight was a powerful reminder of Jesus' presence with us whenever we gather, and my heart was so encouraged. In fact, I think it lifted me out of my guilty despair and began renewing my hunger...it reminded me of who I am in Christ, and of the fact that He truly is more valuable to me than anything. It's funny...when I stop focusing on the way I feel, which is the problem, and start focusing on Him, everything starts falling into place.
Anyway. A lot of this would probably make more sense if I thought it out and wrote it tomorrow, but...nah. Mind vomit is the best.
Still His.
And then Chris taught us about the importance of staying connected with one another, because we're so much more vulnerable when we allow ourselves to become distant and secretive. That's when we do things we regret. So, just an hour after he left, I had the opportunity to live it out when one friend, and then another, walked in my door needing to talk and pray together. I can't tell you how much I love my brothers and sisters here at school. We can laugh together, study together, talk together, cry together, and drop to our knees together at a moment's notice. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Tonight was a powerful reminder of Jesus' presence with us whenever we gather, and my heart was so encouraged. In fact, I think it lifted me out of my guilty despair and began renewing my hunger...it reminded me of who I am in Christ, and of the fact that He truly is more valuable to me than anything. It's funny...when I stop focusing on the way I feel, which is the problem, and start focusing on Him, everything starts falling into place.
Anyway. A lot of this would probably make more sense if I thought it out and wrote it tomorrow, but...nah. Mind vomit is the best.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
It's Thursday!
I could say a lot of things today. The fact that the weekend is almost here gives me great joy, mixed with a bit of apprehension. It means that only four weeks of classes remain in the semester, but it also means that I have to study for another killer Comparative Politics test, write a history paper, and catch up on all of my other reading. Oh well. Just four more weeks. Oh wait, I have to look for a job, judge in a debate tournament, and choose all of my classes for next semester, too. *sigh*
Yesterday was one of those roller-coaster days. I thought I was prepared well enough for my international relations test, but...alas, it didn't go so well. Ali and Lea's test didn't go well for them, either, so we were all pretty bummed. Ali and I decided to cheer ourselves up by going out to dinner, because sometimes we just need to get out of the room and remember there's a real world out there. So we found a coffeehouse/café that we hadn't tried yet, and it happened to be the perfect choice. We basked outside in the sunshine, watched the birds (and almost got smacked in the head by a wild one), spotted a raccoon in a tree, savored some coffee while listening to some live Irish music, and giggled about the guy in the corner who kept looking our way. It was the one of the best pick-me-ups I could have asked for -- kind of like a hug from God. After all, what a coincidence that we ended up at this particular coffeehouse on the one day of the month when they have live Irish music? Really.
Oh, another highlight of yesterday...Ali pulled one of the best pranks ever. She and Aaron had our pastor, Chris, completely convinced that she was pregnant. It couldn't have gotten much better -- he fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Anyway, I'm off to face the day. Later!
Psalm 19
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
3 There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
4 Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
11 By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
12 Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Yesterday was one of those roller-coaster days. I thought I was prepared well enough for my international relations test, but...alas, it didn't go so well. Ali and Lea's test didn't go well for them, either, so we were all pretty bummed. Ali and I decided to cheer ourselves up by going out to dinner, because sometimes we just need to get out of the room and remember there's a real world out there. So we found a coffeehouse/café that we hadn't tried yet, and it happened to be the perfect choice. We basked outside in the sunshine, watched the birds (and almost got smacked in the head by a wild one), spotted a raccoon in a tree, savored some coffee while listening to some live Irish music, and giggled about the guy in the corner who kept looking our way. It was the one of the best pick-me-ups I could have asked for -- kind of like a hug from God. After all, what a coincidence that we ended up at this particular coffeehouse on the one day of the month when they have live Irish music? Really.
Oh, another highlight of yesterday...Ali pulled one of the best pranks ever. She and Aaron had our pastor, Chris, completely convinced that she was pregnant. It couldn't have gotten much better -- he fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Anyway, I'm off to face the day. Later!
Psalm 19
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
3 There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
4 Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
11 By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
12 Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
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