So, I've already posted once today, but I just can't go to bed without talking about how amazing my God is. It's been a rough week -- lots of ups and downs, but he's given me lots of little "hugs" throughout the week to get me through, and it's gotten better. I have been feeling down about the way I've been feeling lately, though. I've been in one of those places where I just don't "feel" passionate about God. I'm not really all that hungry for Him, and I just feel like doing my own thing. I hate it. But I have to be honest. Now I know this walk is not about "feeling" spiritual, or "feeling" like I want God, but I still wish I didn't go through these times of feeling so distant. So, I told Him tonight how I felt, because I hate feeling so selfish and guilty, and I felt like his response was..."It doesn't matter - you're still mine."
Still His.
And then Chris taught us about the importance of staying connected with one another, because we're so much more vulnerable when we allow ourselves to become distant and secretive. That's when we do things we regret. So, just an hour after he left, I had the opportunity to live it out when one friend, and then another, walked in my door needing to talk and pray together. I can't tell you how much I love my brothers and sisters here at school. We can laugh together, study together, talk together, cry together, and drop to our knees together at a moment's notice. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Tonight was a powerful reminder of Jesus' presence with us whenever we gather, and my heart was so encouraged. In fact, I think it lifted me out of my guilty despair and began renewing my hunger...it reminded me of who I am in Christ, and of the fact that He truly is more valuable to me than anything. It's funny...when I stop focusing on the way I feel, which is the problem, and start focusing on Him, everything starts falling into place.
Anyway. A lot of this would probably make more sense if I thought it out and wrote it tomorrow, but...nah. Mind vomit is the best.
No comments:
Post a Comment