Is it really October already? And not only October, but October 3rd? The time speeds by so quickly. Only two months of school remain. On one hand, it's a comforting thought, knowing that this semester will be over and done with before too long. On the other hand, it's a thought that makes me nervous, because when this semester is gone, I'll be counting down the days until I fly away to France. There's still a small possibility that the details won't fall into place, and I'll just be here, but it's looking more and more like I'll be studying abroad in the spring. Everyone assumes that I'm super excited, and in a way, I am. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. But, as wonderful as the opportunity seems to be, I'm also feeling extremely apprehensive, nervous, and just plain scared of it. I'm going to live in a different country, a few thousand miles from home and everyone I love, for four months, where I'll be forced to acclimate to a new culture and surroundings and to study subjects I'm not even sure I'll like. I'm going to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and even stupid at times because no one will understand what I'm *really* trying to say. Taking this trip is taking a big risk.
That's what goes on in my head -- all the things I don't say. This is me when the walls are down. I'm not always brave. I'm not always strong. And I don't always have the faith I should. I *know* that God has never let me down. I *know* that He's the same God here as he is in France. I *know* that He has a perfect purpose for me, and that he's even more excited about it than I am. But even those guys in the Bible who should have known better got scared, and here I am in the same boat as them. The story about Jesus calming the storm just popped into my head. That means I should probably read it.
Mark 4:35-41 (New International Version)
That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"
Let's see. The first thing that jumps out to me is the fact that they weren't just out on the lake for a joy ride; they had a purpose, and a purpose-giver. Jesus initiated the trip. The second thing I notice is that his own disciples asked Jesus if he really cared if they drowned. Even *they* had doubts. The third thing that seems significant to me is that Jesus didn't scream at his disciples in anger; rather, he calmed the storm and taught them the importance of faith.
If God asks me to "go over to the other side" and leave this "crowd" behind, I know that I will be taking Him along on the journey. I know that I don't have to be afraid because He cares about me - even if I do give in to my doubts and fears. He will still be the all-powerful and infinitely merciful King of the universe, and the wind and the waves will obey Him. But, I pray that I will have the faith and the strength to let the wind and waves rage if it accomplishes His will and brings Him more glory.
Taking this trip seems risky -- just like sailing into a storm -- but with Abba, the storm the safest place I can be.
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