Revelations

Alors, j’ai besoin de la pratique, donc je vais écrire en français et s'il vous pouvez traduiser le suivant, vous pouvez le lire. Sinon, si ne pas grave.

Oh la la, cette semaine...oy. Si le week-end dernier était agréable, cette semaine était le contraire. Je suis extrêmement fatiguée, physiquement et mentalement tous les deux. Je pense que le stress mental commence à m’affecter plus. Il est très difficile à communiquer juste petites idées, et il prend beaucoup de temps. Puis, je ne peux pas dire tout les choses que je veux de dire. C'est très énervant et quelquefois gêné. Souvent, je dis «laissez-tomber» et l'oublie. Il exige trop d'effort. Une autre chose que m'énerve est quand les gens ne me permettent pas de finir mes phrases! Comment est-ce que je suis censé apprendre la langue si personne ne me laisse parle avec les phrases complets?

Alors, en anglais maintenant.

I’m so glad that my weekend just started. Classes this week have alternated between being extremely boring and extremely difficult, unfortunately. For the most part, the grammar is review for me, but there are one or two areas that I'm struggling with - mostly in relation to oral communication. Example: we attended two lab sessions this week to practice pronouns orally, and I thought I was going to die. Each of us sat at a lab station with a cassette recorder and a headset, so all of her questions and our responses were recorded for us to use for practice later. It wouldn't have been so bad if she had spoken more slowly and repeated the phrases at least once. But no, she gave us the sentence once and expected us to use the appropriate pronouns in a complete response. For example: «Est-ce que Paul a donné une pomme à Hélène?» «Oui, Paul lui en a donné une.» On the fly…

Anyway, with a lot of practice, I think I'll begin to make some progress with it. That’s one of my main reasons for being here, after all: to uncover and strengthen my weak areas.

My other main reason for being here would be to practice speaking with native francophones, which is also extremely difficult. But, I'm happy to say that it's gradually becoming easier. I understand a lot more of what Mme. Falardeau and Élizabeth are saying to me, and I can tell that my conversational skills are improving because I'm not responding with «Oui» ou «Je ne sais pas» all the time. I'm slowly but surely developing a broader repertoire of familiar phrases and structures. One trick I've learned for speaking is ``borrowing`` parts of what the other person says. If I can take pieces of their sentence and ``recycle`` them, it helps me not only to communicate an appropriate response, but also to engrain the correct sentence patterns in my brain.

I did have the opportunity to practice speaking with some of the group leaders one-on-one this week, and I learned that they're not as intimidating as they seem sometimes. Catching them at the right time is essential, because it's stressful to try to talk with them when there is a lot of activity going on. They're hurried and a lot less amiable. :P Anyway, I also participated in a few group activities for practice, which resulted in a bit of self-discovery. I realized that I'm perfectly capable of conversing at my host home with Mme. Falardeau and Élizabeth and with the friends I've made in class, but I freeze in other situations, like speaking with the teacher, the group leaders, or the clerk at the drugstore. I wondered why, and I came to the conclusion that I experience the same emotions in both situations when I'm in my natural environment in the U.S. I'm more comfortable with people I know, and less at ease with those I don't know. I can deal with my insecurity in English-speaking situations; however, when I find myself faced with nerves and the need to express myself in a different language, it's too much for me to handle. I'm sure it will just take time for me to adjust and become more comfortable. Anyway, just a little psychological observation there.

Anyway, overall, this week was emotionally and physically taxing. Lindsey told me before I left that the second week would be the hardest, and she was right. As she put it, everything is new and interesting the first week, but when you start to settle in during the second week, it's normal life again with all of its ups and downs - with the added difficulty of a language barrier.

They had made several errors in communicating times and dates for group activity registration, so I wasn't able to register for a couple of the activities I had wanted to attend. (I'm sure you've had those experiences where such details have been miscommunicated, so you know how frustrating and confusing it is. Rest assured, it's 10x worse in another language. After all, does «dès 8h30» mean at, by, before, until, after 8h30?) I also forgot a few things in my rush to leave the house (nothing crucial, just convenient), and keeping up with things in general was difficult because most of my brain function was devoted to French (and it still is).

Alors, I was determined to make Wednesday a better day, so I prepared everything the night before, enjoyed a pleasant breakfast with Mme. Falardeau, and left a little earlier just to make sure I had plenty of time to catch the bus. It was, of course, a stunningly beautiful morning. During my walk to the bus stop, I decided to flip through some songs on my MP3 player, and I stopped on «Everything Glorious» by the David Crowder Band. It was just the song I needed to hear, and I just had to tilt my head up to the sky and thank my Abba. :)



It was my reminder that God is working everything out for my good: even the difficult experiences and frustrating moments of the week. My five weeks in Québec will be for His glory, somehow.

As if that weren't enough encouragement for one day, God just wasn't through yet. Another song popped up: «Nothing Compares» by Third Day - the live version.

I've heard all the stories
I've seen all the signs
Witnessed all the glory. Yeah
Tasted all that's fine

Nothing compares
to the greatness of knowing You, Lord
Nothing compares
to the greatness of knowing You, Lord

I see all the people
Wasting all their time
Building up their riches
For a life that's fine

I find myself just living for today
'Cause I don't know what
Tomorrow's gonna bring
So no matter if I rise or fall
I'll never be alone, oh no

In the middle of the live version, Mac Powell stops and says the following:

And those words that were spoken and written by the Apostle Paul apply just as much to our lives today as they did 2000 years ago when he wrote them. In our lives no matter where we could go or who we could meet or what we could see or what we could earn or have given to us or accomplish. There is nothing in our lives that will ever even come close to the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ our Lord.

When I heard that, I knew it was for me, and I replayed it about five times before classes started that morning. I realized that, in the midst of everything else, I had lost sight of that all-important truth: that absolutely nothing compares to the greatness of knowing Jesus. Not my studies, my relationships, my work...not even this trip. Seeing, doing, and accomplishing things here in Québec is an incredible experience, but it still pales in comparison to knowing Christ. You see, I was stressing out trying to make every minute count, forgetting that my purpose here is not to do everything that can possibly be done. My purpose is still to know, enjoy, and glorify God. To the extent that those other things enable me to do that, wonderful, but I can never allow them to become more important to me than Christ. When they become my sole focus and priority, stress and discontentment begin to creep in.

So, in light of that morning revelation, my stress began to melt away. It had to when I finally stopped and remembered that knowing Him is all that truly matters. Needless to say, there wasn't a lot that could take the smile off of my face for the rest of the day, because I was smiling again on the inside. :)

Alors, that's not to say the rest of the week has been peachy - it hasn't - but at least now I remember that my joy comes from knowing Christ.

I haven't been anywhere extremely interesting this week, so I don't have any pictures to share today. Perhaps after the weekend. :) I should probably pop my English bubble now and head out to seize the rest of the day. Au plaisir!