A new decade?

So, it's 2010. When I was little, I used to think that we'd have crazy cool technology now, but most of my fantasies were somehow related to things I'd seen on Star Trek. I suppose it's not surprising, then, that I'm a little disappointed now. My expectations were rather high. ;)

It's a little disconcerting to be able to clearly remember the last decade of my life for the first time. 11 to 21...it was only ten years, but it was probably one of the most eventful ten of my life. Growing into young adulthood will do that, I suppose. It's rather convenient to be born so close to a decade mark because it gives me the ability to think of the stages of my life in increments of ten as the decades tick by. Of course, this makes my OCD brain happy.

I started thinking about the events that defined 2000-2010, and I realized that I can finally finish that gosh-awful chapter of my life called adolescence. I suppose the best title for the chapter would be: "Adolescence: thank God it only comes once." It was characterized by a lot of angst, a lot of anxiety, a lot of awkward moments, some amazing memories...and a lot more awkward moments. In fact, it was just mostly awkward. But now, my feet are a little more firmly planted, and I have 2010-2020 to look forward to as a young adult and all the adventures that come with that stage of life. It's amazing to me how many things these next ten years could hold. I plan on finishing college, and after that -- it's a mystery. I might find a job here or a job abroad; I might be asked to devote myself to mission work - again, here or abroad. I might find a man to stand beside in marriage, or I might be called to serve God in singleness. Whatever God has in store for me, I'm learning to have faith that He'll make me ready.

I admit that I've been very scared lately about leaving everything behind for the semester. I've probably cycled through just about any emotion you can think of during the break -- like they're on a color wheel, and someone's spinning it. Fast. I've been excited, I've been nervous, I've been sad...but most recently, I've just been afraid. But...the fear is beginning to fall away as Abba keeps gently reminding me that He is in total control of my life. I can rest in that, because He is holy. I'm not. It doesn't matter where I am, whether it be at home, at UCA, or exploring castles in France.

This may seem unrelated at first, but bear with me. Chris was teaching on Sunday from James about the idolatry we commit when it comes to money and how important it is to trust God instead of our worldly wealth and our own wisdom. What I felt like God was teaching me (and probably a lot of us) was that money is not the issue. It's just the indicator of the real problem: self-sufficiency. Anyone who trusts in himself instead of in God becomes a two-souled person, and everyone knows what happens to a divided house. I don't want to be the kind of person with two souls. I've realized that I become that person when I let my fears control me and stop trusting God to take care of me. So, I'm letting go again and remembering that I shattered my glass vase. I'm not supposed to be wandering around in the broken glass trying to pick up the pieces. It is His good pleasure to put my life together, with love and absolute holiness.

It's that paradox again. Surrendering everything is risky, but it's the only place I'm safe. So, I'll pack my bags and walk onto that plane in less than two weeks, and I'll remember that He's not just my Abba in the United States. He speaks French, too. :)