Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Weekends and Day trips :)

Well, it’s a beautiful cool night (finally!) and I’m looking at the moonlit outlines of the clouds from my skylight window, thinking about how crazy it is that I’ll be looking at the clouds over Arkansas in just a few short weeks. I’m not really sure why, but I think it hit me this week just how little time I have left. I'm trying to wrap up my shopping and enjoy the things I haven't had a chance to see yet (or taste). ;) A lot of people ask if I’m sad to leave, and I have to say “not really,” in a general sense. I’m ready to come home and be a part of life with my family and friends there. Of course, I am sad that I have to leave behind so many fledgling relationships, not knowing if or when I will have the chance to come back and deepen them in person. That’s what so hard about being here for only five months. It’s just long enough to establish a foundation for friendships, but not long enough to really build them. Anyway, there is a season for everything, and knowing that makes it easier to move on. Besides, I’m not leaving my new friends behind; I’m just “moving out of visual range.” ;) Sorry, trekkie reference there.

I’m super-excited about the fact that three UCO students will be doing a semester-long exchange at UCA this fall. I know they’re coming to learn English, but I’m definitely going to be begging for a least a little bit of French time so I don’t lose everything I’ve worked so hard for this semester. I hope they won’t mind! Maybe we can play bilingual Scrabble...with French and English words. I played in French with Joselyne and Wei Wei the other day, and it was definitely a lot of fun -- and definitely challenging. Believe it or not, I did score points! That made my night.

Sooo...I forgot to mention that I’ve had two amazing weekends in a row: the first with UCA choir friends and the second with Clémence and Azilys and Kendra. The weekend with the choir was full of the unexpected. I hopped on a train for Orléans on Thursday, hoping to catch up with them at their hotel and surprise them, since they didn’t know when or where I was going to show up. I almost didn’t find them, because they deviated from their itinerary. (Figures.) After getting my bearings from the map in the train station, I wandered in what seemed like the right direction to find the hotel. It took about 45 minutes, one stop to ask directions from a nice lady on the sidewalk, and a little bit of backtracking because of the uncrossable highways, but I finally made it. Unfortunately, they didn’t. :P So I left to find the restaurant where they were supposed to be having lunch, and I didn’t find it, but I found the tour bus in the square (which was hard to miss). I just happened to catch the bus driver getting the bus ready for them and asked if I could wait for them on board. He had no idea who I was, or what I was doing, but he said “sure” with no questions asked. I’m glad I’m not a terrorist. :P Anyway, I was so nervous about seeing them that I’m pretty sure I was shaking. It seemed so surreal to think that I’d be touching people from home and talking to them in person! It was priceless to watch their faces as they filed onto the bus one by one. I snuck up behind Evan and gave him a hug, but I think it took a few hours for it to actually sink in that I was really there. What’s interesting is that I hadn’t planned on sticking around long -- just catching a train back to Angers that night and finding them again in another city. Fortunately, Annie and Ashleigh didn’t let me go, and I just lived out of Annie’s suitcase until Sunday, taking the bus with them to Blois, Tours, and Nantes. It was super, super, super fun hanging out with my buddies, and being a French speaker, I think I came in kind of handy at least a few times. Here’s what I remember most about the weekend:

- Twirly chairs by the Loire. Yeah, they’re on rollers. 0_o
- Orléans being the sketchiest French city I’ve ever visited. Seriously. It didn’t matter who I was with.
- Hanging out with the staff at the hotel bar, teaching Sean and Evan some French, and learning that Evan’s last name doesn’t translate well into French.
- Nutella ice cream!!
- Tasting real champagne for Evan’s 21st...in France. What are the odds?
- Uhhhhh....petit français! (Ben was trying to say he spoke only a little French...but kept saying “little frenchman” -- until some waitresses finally lost it. And then it was just too funny to stop saying it.)
- Goodies from Bretagne, including pork intestine. Yeah...even I couldn’t get that down.
- Wondering if perhaps Annie and I have the same...parents? Hmm...
- An American choir and a French choir, lots of cider, and lots of singing -- in a creperie. I’m sure the Star Spangled Banner never sounded so good. (And neither has Lookin’ for a City...beat boxing included!)

I teared up when we said goodbye on Sunday morning, but at least I’ll see them soon. Not much longer!

Last weekend was awesome, too. Clémence, Azilys, Kendra, and I set off for Nantes Friday morning and had a lovely lunch with Clémence’s mom. It felt so good to be with a real family again. For some reason, we ended up talking about our host families, and I recounted some of my most interesting experiences. (I hate feeling like I'm complaining, but people ask, and I feel like I have to be at least honest.) She was really disappointed and a little bit shocked that we’ve had to go through what we have here. (Not that it’s been horrific; all the same, it’s not exactly ideal.) It’s just like if I found out someone had been through some difficult living situations in the U.S. Not only does it reflect badly on Americans, but I don’t want anyone to have a bad experience when they’re visiting my country. I want them feel warmly welcomed, to enjoy their time, and to have a rich cultural and relational experience without being burdened. Anyway, she said that she knew that the English had a reputation of being very exacting, cold, and very profit-oriented when hosting French students, but she had thought better of the French. Evidently it’s becoming just as much of a problem here. (Even our tour guide to the chateaus of the Loire pointed that out to us today, and he’s hosted students before.) Makes sense though...after all, the love of money isn’t limited to a particular nationality. All of my friends have told me that my rent is definitely high for what I’m getting, and wi-fi and laundry and meals aren’t even included. 3 euros extra for her to do a load of my laundry, 8 euros a month for wi-fi, and 6 euros per meal if I choose to have her cook for me. I’ll probably be writing a letter to the housing office here to let them know about my particular situation as well as some of the other experiences other students have told me about. I don’t think students have reported things as much as they should have in the past, or else the university has ignored the complaints. In any case, they need to do a better job of screening and keeping tabs on their host families, because in most cases, they aren’t really hosting -- they’re just offering a hotel -- or at the worst, abusing the trust of the university in the way they provide for the students. :P

Annnnnyway, back to the weekend. We packed up the dog and headed to the beach for the afternoon - about an hour’s drive. It was great, being on the road, in the sunshine, wind blowing in my hair...and even if walking around in the sun was a bit warm, the Speculoos ice cream did a fantastic job of cooling me off. We all had a wonderful time with her family at dinner, laughing and telling stories (one thing I’m going to miss SO much), before collapsing on the couch for Finding Nemo in French. Oh yeah, Clémence had to wrestle with the bedsheets first...but those pictures are on Facebook. 0_o

Saturday, Clémence’s parents took us out for lunch at a little restaurant on the shore of the Erdre river -- one of the most beautiful rivers in France. (THE most beautiful, according to the Sun King Louis XIV, and we all know how important his opinion was. :P ) The smoked seasoned salmon, white wine, fish in white butter sauce, cheeses, and profiteroles were *amazing*, especially since we were enjoying them outside with such a gorgeous view. It was probably one of the best meals I’ve had in France. To continue the good times, her parents rented pedal-boats, and we all climbed in for a leisurely pedal up and down the river. I couldn’t have imagined a lovelier way to spend the afternoon. And, as if that wasn’t enough fun for the day, we headed to Chateaubriant for a cookout soirée and night out with friends from the language department. We all goofed off for a while before heading out to the Bilbok to dance. It was quite an adventurous evening (and quite a long one), but I had lots of fun and now have lots of memories. :)

Other than those two weekends, a day of shopping with Gillie and Kendra yesterday, I’ve been laying low, trying to get rid of this chest cold I picked up somewhere. It’s been hanging around for a little while now, and I’m ready for it to be on its way. :P However, I did get the chance to take a day trip with Gillie, Kendra, and Ninh today to see several chateaus of the Loire. :) It was absolutely beautiful today, except for a little rain this afternoon, but overall it was the perfect weather for visiting Chenonceau, Clos Lucé, Langeais, and Ussé. We took the train to Tours early this morning to catch the all-day tour from the office of tourism. (Too bad no one gives prizes for the abundant usage of the word “tour”; I could have won today!) :P Our driver was quite friendly, and I really enjoyed our drives through the countryside just as much as visiting the chateaus. I hadn't realized just how much of France is rural or agricultural. These chateaus were a lovely change of scenery from what I'm used to, since they’re from the Renaissance era, and the ones I’m used to seeing in my region are better examples of medieval fortresses: impressive, of course, but not quite as aesthetically pleasing. (Oh, just a bit of trivia for you: Ussé is better known as the chateau in Sleeping Beauty.) I thought Kendra was going to faint. ;)

Well.....I think I’ve about written myself to sleep, or written up an appetite, so I’m going to find some fruit and head to bed. Tomorrow I have some hard-core reviewing to do for my ALP exam, but at least part of that will be giving a tour of Angers to Kendra to practice my tourism skills. Even so, I will be SO glad when this is finally behind me and not hanging over my head anymore. Night everyone!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Cold showers, but short ones.

Oy, I didn’t think I would get this hot in France! My room is on the top floor, with a skylight window, so I’ve discovered that during the day the heat in here is rather abominable even if it’s not scorching outside. I felt like I should be taking a Spanish siesta this afternoon and took a cold shower just to cool off. :P (No, I didn’t count the liters.)

The whole “water usage” obsession has gotten ridiculous. Joselyne basically told my housemate the other day that she needed to find another place to live after her summer holidays because it made Joselyne sick to hear so much water running. She also used the same wording to express how bad it would make her feel if Wei Wei moved out, which made me mad. How can you put a human being, especially a human being that you’ve developed a friendship with over the course of a year and a half, on the same level of importance as a few liters of water? For a person as friendly as Joselyne, it’s not logical. It’s not like she’s obsessive about everything else; on the contrary, she’s a pretty spontaneous kind of person, not the anal retentive kind that keeps track of everything meticulously. Well, she was pretty obsessive about a couple of marks on the stove and wouldn’t let anyone use that burner for weeks until she finally cleaned it, and she doesn’t know how to use her oven, so she doesn’t let us use it either. :P But everyone has their quirks, and it’s understandable that she’s being careful with the kitchen she just remodeled. The water is just a strange obsession, though, and I can’t help but wonder if something is a little...”off”...there. It’s plausible, especially since the “stains on the stairs” incident, when she called me and Wei Wei out of our rooms at 11pm to tell us that there were marks on the stairs that had just ... appeared. Now, this is an old wooden spiral staircase, with lots of marks from use over years and years and years, and it’s not especially “finished,” so there are a lot of imperfections and darkened places just due to the natural appearance of the wood grain. At first, though, I thought maybe someone had tracked something in on their shoes, so we checked ours, but there was nothing there. Neither me nor Wei Wei had brought any heavy loads upstairs that would have made any marks on the stairs, but Joselyne insisted that the dark places on the stairs were new and weren’t there the other day when she looked at them. She spent a good ten minutes pointing them out and talking about them, while Wei Wei and I stood at the top of the stairs shaking our heads. I even scratched at the marks with my fingernails and rubbed them with the bottom of my shoe, and absolutely nothing came off. But still, she insisted that it would only come off if we scrubbed it with some kind of cleaning solution. (Right...cleaning solution will magically remove, what, the wood?) Finally she went to bed, telling us not to worry about cleaning it right then and that it could wait until later. (Yes...it most definitely could. I love her, but I’m not scrubbing imaginary stains on the stairs at 11:30 at night...) Anyway, every day is an adventure, that’s for sure.

I do need something to keep me on my toes, I suppose, because without classes to keep me busy, the hours can pass pretty slowly during the week. Kendra and I did enjoy an afternoon of sight-seeing and shopping with Cassie during the middle of the week, though, which was really refreshing (and much needed). She studied abroad like us when she was an undergrad, and this semester, she was asked to come back and teach an American culture class at UCO. It was super-helpful to hear about her experiences (from another American’s perspective) and to glean some wisdom about taking advantage of the time here and preparing for the culture shock of going home. I had been feeling rather anxious about whether or not I was really taking advantage of my time here, but talking to her really helped put some of those doubts to rest. Evidently, I have had the opportunity to see the region and spend time with French friends a lot more than most exchange students. So, even though it’s still hard to feel “integrated,” I’m extremely thankful for what I *have* experienced. Cassie introduced us to her first host mom, who is probably one of the best host moms here - probably because she’s more like a grandma! I’m making a mental note of all of the good host families I hear about here, just in case I need to make recommendations. It’s hard to find a good one. Andrew’s family takes him shopping, barbecues in the backyard, buys him French candy...it’s insane. Mine just complains about less than 5 minute showers. (I timed myself.) Oh well, I’m here for a reason...I just don’t know how best to take care of her yet! She’s taken care of me -- even brought me a rose when my grandma passed away. That’s why I’m kind of confused about this whole thing...

Anyway, yeah...I only have one exam left now: ALP on Friday. Not looking forward to it. Well, I take that back; I’m ready to finish it. I just have no idea if I’ll be prepared for it or not. There’s really no way to tell! I could be asked anything from the entire semester, whether it be castle or church architecture, the history of the kings of France and the dukes of this region, traditions of the different areas of Anjou, the different scenes in some tapestry somewhere -- there’s no telling. There was information in some of the practice questions they gave us a few weeks ago that we hadn’t ever covered, so, I’ll do what I can, but I can’t guarantee anything. :P Overall, I’m just glad that I had the opportunity to take the class and learn more about where I’ve been living.

Hmm, what else have I been up to lately? I’m generally occupied with friends on the weekends, fortunately. A couple of weeks ago, the group of young adults from church had a Bible study fellowship which was super-fun. I always love hanging out with them, and I am going to be sad to leave them in a few weeks. Going to Louis’ baptism a few weeks ago was special, too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people crowded around a tiny backyard pool! In a country like France where so few people actually follow Christ, a baptism is a cause for a huge celebration. It hasn’t lost its significance, and I love that. I’m pretty sure the entire church was there, and we all sang together, prayed together, and celebrated together in Louis’ backyard. (I think they must have asked for a “feed the 5000” miracle, because there was a seemingly endless supply of little pastries. Every time I finished one off, I was being offered another one from a newly-replenished tray. I wasn’t complaining, though.) Anyway, Louis has health problems, especially with his feet, which makes mobility especially difficult. Three of the guys in the church, fully clothed, jumped into the pool to help get Louis in the water and baptize him. Watching it nearly brought me to tears. I just love it when the body of Christ gets it.

Soooo, wow, it’s later than I thought and I should be getting caught up on some sleep. It was a great weekend, but that story will have to wait. :) Night!

(Oh by the way, 25 days...but who's counting? ;) )

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Daily Happenings

So, I realized that I haven’t really caught you up on the happenings around here lately. Not that they’re ground-breaking or anything; I thought you might find some of them amusing.

After I got home from London a few weeks ago, Joselyne left for a week in Toulouse with some friends and family. Wei Wei was still gone on vacation, too, which left me in charge of the house for the week. No big deal, right? Just go on with life as usual, and close the shutters at night. It really wouldn’t have been a big deal -- had it not been for the strange man at the door. Yes, the very same day that Joselyne left, a young-ish looking man passed in front of the kitchen window (that faces the street) and rang the doorbell. He’d already seen me in the window, so I obviously couldn’t pretend no one was home. I opened the door, thinking it was the person who brings her newspapers every now and then. He asked for Mme. Leau, I told him she wasn’t there at the moment; he paused and wondered aloud if she was on vacation. Suspicious, I said no, but he followed up by asking if she would perhaps be home in the evening. I played the “I’m an exchange student and she has a different schedule and I’m clueless” card, and asked him if he needed something in particular. He said no and left, just like that. I closed the door, and the freak-out commenced. Was he a burglar scouting out the territory? A rapist? A murderer? I talked to my mom and a few friends for advice and decided to assume the worst. I spent the afternoon doing my best to think like an unsavory character on Criminal Minds, finding all of the possible ways into the house and accounting for all of the possible scenarios. I probably looked a little odd walking around the outside of the house, taking note of all of the windows and doors. At least no one could see me moving the living room armchairs in front of the doors after I bolted the shutters, putting the big iron frying pan at my bedside, and bundling up all of the kitchen knives to hide them in my room. (Hey, you’d be paranoid too if you were home alone in a foreign country in house that wasn’t yours after a strange man stopped by with no motive other than to find out if the owner was home and when she was coming back. Trust me. It makes sense.)

Fortunately, nothing happened, so all of the precautions were largely unnecessary, apart from the fact that they gave me a bit more peace of mind. I had thought about spending the night with Kendra, but then I realized that I wouldn’t know if something happened at my house. I also considered calling Kendra and having her spend the night, but I decided against it, because really: who wants to get a call that essentially says, “Hey, I think someone’s going to break into my house tonight, you wanna come over and be my human shield?” 0_o

So...that was my week at home alone. I was incredibly lonely, probably the loneliest I’ve been to date in France. I had just enough homework to do that I couldn’t justify occupying myself outside of the house. You can’t imagine how slow the hours go by when you’re by yourself, in a quiet house, with no one to talk to and not enough work to hold your attention. You can't imagine how glad I was just to have someone to eat dinner with when they came home!

After that week, I was down to the last week or two of classes, which were kind of like the last week or two of classes at home: long. At least I was able to finish up two of my classes for good, because the final exams took place during the last week of class instead of during the weeks of finals. In addition to that, my 20 page dossier and my 3-text translation project kept me pretty busy. Call me crazy, but I actually liked working on them. Maybe it was because the work didn’t seem useless or pointless; it had a purpose. I was actually learning and growing by doing the projects.


Not last weekend but the weekend before, I spent a couple of days with Azilys, Clémence, Kendra, and Andrew at Azilys’ house in St. Pazanne, a lovely little village west of Angers, close to the Atlantic. We spent Saturday afternoon enjoying the sunshine and the breeze on the beach, marvelling at the tide at the Passage du Gois, and laughing at Andrew’s fascination with cows. Saturday night we ate homemade crêpes, thanks to Azilys’ dad, and watched our favorite youtube videos, and Sunday we enjoyed a wonderful traditional family lunch on the patio. I don’t know if I’ve ever eaten that much in my life: marsala from Italy, fresh oysters, salad, bread (of course), homemade ratatouille, grilled sausages, white wine from Azilys’ grandfather’s vineyard, an assortment of French cheeses, fruit cocktail, coffee, and Italian hazelnut and Croatian fig cookies. (Her mom had just gotten back from a trip to Italy and the surrounding region, so that’s why the meal had such an international flair.) Azilys’ mom is American, and her father is French, so we had some interesting discussions about cultural practices and the challenges of growing up multilingual. I learned that it’s not just my perception; the French really do value their “joie de vivre,” and they are very protective of their “living” time: whether that’s playing, eating, enjoying personal relationships. Even in the world of business, taking time to be interested in your business partner’s life outside of the workplace is considered to be as important as the work itself. Taking time to have a glass of wine or a coffee together is just as much a part of the deal and the business relationship as hammering out the details. Americans are much more to the point, and it’s very difficult for the French to understand and adapt to that mentality. That’s one reason why diplomacy and international relations issues involving France and the U.S. can be so complicated. Americans have a mentality of directness, of a solution-based process; the French do not. They focus on the process, the exploration, the relationships, and the openness of the end-result (and even the lack of a definite solution). If you can understand that, you can begin to understand why we misinterpret each other so much. Diplomacy is complicated. What’s funny is that the only reason we Americans wonder why it’s complicated is because we have a typically American mindset of, “There’s the problem. We can do this. Let’s fix it. Now.” Not every culture has that.....but of course, we wouldn’t pay attention to a little detail like that...

Well, it’s time that I got ready for my exam this afternoon. I’ve been reviewing the history of France during the 19th century off and on for the past few days, and I’m honestly not sure how much more I can remember. I’ll read everything again over lunch and then wing it from there. :P I’m all for doing my best, and striving for excellence, but honestly, there’s not much reason to know what date a certain number of miners in some tiny French village went on strike (for the fourth time). Anyway, I’ll write more when I don’t have more studying to do. Which will be...later this week. My last two exams until the 28th are next Monday, and I don’t have to study for them. (translation exams) Later!

Monday, May 10, 2010

and today is...

6h43: Birds are singing, rain is pattering, nature is calling. Unghhh, 8h30 is too early to get up today. 9h15 sounds better. Reset alarm.

11h57: Wow, it feels late. Why hasn’t the alarm gone off yet? I must have been really into that dream. *look at phone* NOON?! My alarm obviously didn’t go off.

12h15: I try to wake myself up with some cereal. It doesn’t seem to be working.

13h03: Maybe some history homework will perk up my brain. Nope.

13h26: Coffee? ...

14h22: Ok, maybe exercise. Hmm. Good idea, but it’s not working today either.

14h54: Browse ThinkGeek and find adorable Star Trek uniform onesies for babies. Post link on profile like a loser.

14h58: Video chat with Mom for a while, discover that she can’t seem to wake up either. (Mom: “Dead sea horses are so funny.”) It’s just one of those days.

15h42: I eat an apple, because somewhere I heard that they can wake you up better than coffee. I’m not so sure.

16h08: Give up and take a shower. I don’t care how many liters of water I use today. :P

16h29: Reluctantly trudge to the library to return overdue books. Oh, wonderful...I’m out of toilet paper too. Looks like a trip to the store as well.

Ten hours in, and my conclusion? It’s a Monday. Most definitely, without a doubt, Monday.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Optimism? Nah.

Well, I haven't accomplished much today, so I thought I might write something to at least be able to say I did ONE thing. (Well...I did eat lunch with Clemence, and that definitely counts. So two things.) I actually didn't wake up until 11:57 this morning because my shutter was closed; thus, my room was dark. I must have needed the rest after this week, though. Unfortunately, I was also supposed to meet Clemence at noon, so I rushed around and was out the door in five minutes -- not a bad record! All that energy expended in such a short amount of time must have done me in for the day, though, because I've been worthless ever since. I balanced my checkbook, talked with my mom, and watched clips from The Match Game. :P But...taking into account the fact that I walked all over Angers with Cassie and Kendra on Tuesday, finished classes last Thursday, spent the weekend with friends by the beach, got sick Sunday night, turned in a 3-text translation project Monday morning, finished a 20 page paper for Wednesday, took a test Wednesday afternoon, and then attended my grandmother's funeral by webcam Wednesday evening...I'd say I probably needed some rest today.

I am so, so, so thankful for God's provision in my life right now. Over the past few weeks, I guess I've been struggling with the fact that I can't really *feel* Him or *hear* Him right now, but today, one of my friends reminded me of something very simple, but very true. "God takes care of us in his own way. He may not be speaking because it's working as planned. All you need to do is endure and serve and let HIM be your strength."

So yeah, given that I have a tendency to overanalyze, I had totally missed that completely obvious truth. (Yes, it's true, I overanalyze things. You don't have to pretend to look so surprised. :P ) Things *are* working as planned. He *is* taking care of me. And He's taking care of the people around me, too. I just wasn’t expecting Him to be so quiet about it. I guess this is just another reminder that he isn’t a *tame* lion, and He isn’t constrained to working the way I expect Him to. I had gotten used to very obvious, charismatic, emotional experiences with Him over the course of the past year, but here, it’s been different. He’s been consistent and caring, but a lot more quiet. However, I could still give you an example from any given day of how He's been involved in some of the most important situations and some of the tiniest details of my life. He’s been perfectly faithful and perfectly present all along; I guess was just looking for Him to show up how *I* expected Him to - silly sheep that I am. :P I just need to learn to calm down and trust Him to show up the way *HE* wants to.

Here are just a few examples of His amazing care, despite my silly sheep-ness:

- I have wonderful friends here that I love spending time with.
I have Kendra, who puts up with me and all of my weirdness, all the time. She’s also a great prayer partner.
- I have a beautiful church family here that has welcomed me with open arms and that cared for me with sweet notes of encouragement as soon as they heard about the loss of my grandmother
- I have an incredibly sweet host mom who is interested in my life and brought me the most gorgeous pink rose and affectionate card this afternoon with her condolences
- My family and Sylvania church family were kept safe during the tornadoes and storms as they cared for one another and for Grandma while she was in the hospital
- I have not only survived several tests and projects so far, but I have been able to do work that I am proud of. His grace is sufficient, even in learning a foreign language!
- All of my injuries or health issues have been healed or if not, I’ve at least been given the strength to endure them.
- I have been blessed to see the world from so many new perspectives, with so many special people, in so many different places: London, Paris, Marseilles, Strasbourg, Offenburg, Angers, Nantes, Ile de Noirmoutier, Saumur, the Loire, various châteaux. I never imagined I would have experiences like this.
- I have a fresh view of life: what's really important, and what really isn't.

I can say that I am truly thankful for all of this despite having come through some very difficult moments here: my knee injury, my difficult first living situation, loneliness, an OCD relapse, academic challenges and stresses, the loss of my grandmother.

Some people say that I have a very optimistic outlook despite these setbacks. I disagree. I think it’s a very realistic outlook. Consider this: I have a God who promises me that He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. He promises me that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He promises that His Spirit will testify to the truth and be my Comforter. He promises me that He will never leave or forsake me. And he has delivered on every one of those promises, every step of the way. That is a basis for very real faith, not just optimism.

Well, perhaps I was a bit more ambitious than I should have been. I had other things to write about so that you'd have an idea of what I've been up to lately (other than final projects...). I suppose that can wait until tomorrow, because I'm utterly exhausted. It never ceases to amaze me how I can be exhausted by doing nothing sometimes. :P I'll just blame it on the week catching up to me. Anyway, goodnight!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

In Memory and Celebration

The Saturday evening before my flight left for France, my mind was swirling with all of the last-minute travel details still waiting for my attention. As I pulled up to the retirement home to visit Grandma one last time, somehow through all the noise I could hear something whispering, “Go love on your Grandma now. She might not be here when you get back.” And so I did. We talked about my trip, my studies, my plans, and she told me she was proud of me. She told me she loved me. And we almost didn’t manage to let go of each other when we said goodbye. Her kisses were always the best kind of Grandma kisses, whether they were the messy ones for her little grand-baby or the sweet ones for her grown-up granddaughter. This time they were even more tender than usual.

I will always cherish the memory of that last visit with her.

It was a Saturday, so none of her favorite shows were on. Her TV was sitting on the dresser, dark and gray. Now it reminds me of the times I spent at her house when I was little, watching Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, and the Price is Right -- calling out the answers I knew and surprising her when I got them right. That was back when I was small enough to sit in her lap. We loved to sit and work word-search puzzles together in her recliner. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I can attribute much of my puzzle-working prowess to her. Of course, I did get bored from time to time, and that’s when I amused myself by playing with her arm flab. She always rolled her eyes and scolded me, but I could tell she was just trying not to laugh. When we weren’t working puzzles or watching TV, we were playing Yahtzee or Dominoes and she was teaching me how to score points. Playing with double-nines sure was complicated for a seven year old’s brain.

Visiting Grandma also meant eating Cheerios for breakfast and wondering why anyone would want to drink prune juice every morning. I got to eat graham crackers and milk out of a big, green glass goblet for dinner, too, and for some reason, she even let me eat peanut butter out of the jar with a toothpick when I got hungry for a snack. It wasn’t often that she didn’t have a Werthers in her candy dish or a big jar of crisp chocolate chip cookies to munch on. That was life at Grandma's house. She used to take me to the beauty shop all the time just so she could show me off to all of her friends. I still remember climbing into her Lincoln Town Car to drive over there, mostly because her leather seats always burned the backs of my legs. That’s okay, though; I cherish that memory, too, because it reminds me of she always made sure I knew that she was proud of me -- always.

Life with Grandma wasn’t all about fun and games and cookies and trips to the beauty shop, though. She taught me the value of working hard, whether it was shelling peas, shucking corn, or studying for school. She also knew how to motivate me with quick mention of the fly swatter on the wall, and all it took was one look in her sharp blue eyes to know she was serious. I guess you didn’t always have to look in her eyes to know it, though. After all, it was dark that one night a hoodlum tried to break into her house, and all she had to do was let him know that she already had her shotgun in her hand. I've always been proud to have a Grandma like that. She was such a strong woman. (She was also rather strong-*willed* -- or tenacious, independent, stubborn...however you want to say it -- as anyone who knew her well could tell you. But that’s another story. We’ll just suffice it to say that now you know where I get it.)

My family would also tell you that I must have inherited my sense of humor from my Grandma, although I can only hope to one day have a wit half as sharp as hers (and to know how to use it half as well). With her sly sense of humor, she could always slip in the best quips when no one expected them. She always managed to look away so you couldn’t see her snicker, but if you caught her eye, you couldn’t miss that telltale sparkle. Those lively blue eyes of hers would always let you know when she was up to something mischievous, and that was a lot of the time.

We were always going somewhere when we were together, because Grandma was a woman who never let a day go to waste. She truly squeezed every last drop out of life: always on the go and hardly ever still! That’s actually how she earned her nickname: Verla Go Berkau. I know she was so happy that I had this opportunity to study in France. I think that I’m following in her footsteps, seeing the world and experiencing all that I can every day, and that makes me happy because it's just what she would have wanted.

What makes me the happiest, though, is knowing that my Grandma was a woman who loved her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. She was a woman who left a strong legacy of faith to her family, and that steadfast faith not only touched my father’s life, but it has touched the life of every member of my family. She may not be with us now, but we will all see her again, and the next time we see her, she’ll be wearing her well-deserved heavenly crown. I’m sure the jewels will be a rich, royal purple, too; I can’t see her wearing anything else.

That last Saturday night I spent with Grandma, I asked her if she had any advice for a girl my age. I’ll always remember what she said: “Hold on to the Lord, appreciate what you have, and live life to the fullest every day, because you won’t be 21 forever.” Looking back on her life, it’s obvious that she lived by that advice, and I plan to do the same.

So, I guess this is goodbye for now, Grandma, but only for a little while. I’m holding onto the Lord, and I’ll see you soon. (Oh, and make some blackberry cobbler for Jesus, okay? I'm sure He'd love it.)