Optimism? Nah.

Well, I haven't accomplished much today, so I thought I might write something to at least be able to say I did ONE thing. (Well...I did eat lunch with Clemence, and that definitely counts. So two things.) I actually didn't wake up until 11:57 this morning because my shutter was closed; thus, my room was dark. I must have needed the rest after this week, though. Unfortunately, I was also supposed to meet Clemence at noon, so I rushed around and was out the door in five minutes -- not a bad record! All that energy expended in such a short amount of time must have done me in for the day, though, because I've been worthless ever since. I balanced my checkbook, talked with my mom, and watched clips from The Match Game. :P But...taking into account the fact that I walked all over Angers with Cassie and Kendra on Tuesday, finished classes last Thursday, spent the weekend with friends by the beach, got sick Sunday night, turned in a 3-text translation project Monday morning, finished a 20 page paper for Wednesday, took a test Wednesday afternoon, and then attended my grandmother's funeral by webcam Wednesday evening...I'd say I probably needed some rest today.

I am so, so, so thankful for God's provision in my life right now. Over the past few weeks, I guess I've been struggling with the fact that I can't really *feel* Him or *hear* Him right now, but today, one of my friends reminded me of something very simple, but very true. "God takes care of us in his own way. He may not be speaking because it's working as planned. All you need to do is endure and serve and let HIM be your strength."

So yeah, given that I have a tendency to overanalyze, I had totally missed that completely obvious truth. (Yes, it's true, I overanalyze things. You don't have to pretend to look so surprised. :P ) Things *are* working as planned. He *is* taking care of me. And He's taking care of the people around me, too. I just wasn’t expecting Him to be so quiet about it. I guess this is just another reminder that he isn’t a *tame* lion, and He isn’t constrained to working the way I expect Him to. I had gotten used to very obvious, charismatic, emotional experiences with Him over the course of the past year, but here, it’s been different. He’s been consistent and caring, but a lot more quiet. However, I could still give you an example from any given day of how He's been involved in some of the most important situations and some of the tiniest details of my life. He’s been perfectly faithful and perfectly present all along; I guess was just looking for Him to show up how *I* expected Him to - silly sheep that I am. :P I just need to learn to calm down and trust Him to show up the way *HE* wants to.

Here are just a few examples of His amazing care, despite my silly sheep-ness:

- I have wonderful friends here that I love spending time with.
I have Kendra, who puts up with me and all of my weirdness, all the time. She’s also a great prayer partner.
- I have a beautiful church family here that has welcomed me with open arms and that cared for me with sweet notes of encouragement as soon as they heard about the loss of my grandmother
- I have an incredibly sweet host mom who is interested in my life and brought me the most gorgeous pink rose and affectionate card this afternoon with her condolences
- My family and Sylvania church family were kept safe during the tornadoes and storms as they cared for one another and for Grandma while she was in the hospital
- I have not only survived several tests and projects so far, but I have been able to do work that I am proud of. His grace is sufficient, even in learning a foreign language!
- All of my injuries or health issues have been healed or if not, I’ve at least been given the strength to endure them.
- I have been blessed to see the world from so many new perspectives, with so many special people, in so many different places: London, Paris, Marseilles, Strasbourg, Offenburg, Angers, Nantes, Ile de Noirmoutier, Saumur, the Loire, various châteaux. I never imagined I would have experiences like this.
- I have a fresh view of life: what's really important, and what really isn't.

I can say that I am truly thankful for all of this despite having come through some very difficult moments here: my knee injury, my difficult first living situation, loneliness, an OCD relapse, academic challenges and stresses, the loss of my grandmother.

Some people say that I have a very optimistic outlook despite these setbacks. I disagree. I think it’s a very realistic outlook. Consider this: I have a God who promises me that He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. He promises me that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He promises that His Spirit will testify to the truth and be my Comforter. He promises me that He will never leave or forsake me. And he has delivered on every one of those promises, every step of the way. That is a basis for very real faith, not just optimism.

Well, perhaps I was a bit more ambitious than I should have been. I had other things to write about so that you'd have an idea of what I've been up to lately (other than final projects...). I suppose that can wait until tomorrow, because I'm utterly exhausted. It never ceases to amaze me how I can be exhausted by doing nothing sometimes. :P I'll just blame it on the week catching up to me. Anyway, goodnight!