Le prudent gardien

Vous, Livre, usé par les doigts des décennies,
Présente à moi vos pages toutes pleines des plats visages.
Leurs yeux me regardent d’un milieu noir: les bannis
Relégué, si loin du soleil qui endommage.

Les images préservés par ce prudent gardien,
Attirent l’avenir de revivre son passé:
Un réalité noir et blanc et ancien.
Chaque visage se maintient dans un instant, glacé.

Les souris et les froncements ensemble mélangent;
Ils forment un collage poignant de l’humanité.
Les autos et les robes reflètent les temps qui changent,
Qui enterrent les ancêtres dans la modernité.

Cher Livre, je vous confie aux pages déchirés
Les seules vestiges inanimés de mon passé.

- Grace Berkau

This is the French sonnet I've been writing for my French literature class. It being my first attempt, I'm rather proud of it. The fact that it has 3 quatrains and a couplet, 12 syllables per line, and a consistent rhyme scheme is quite an accomplishment!

I ate your plums.

This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

That poem amused me this morning, so I thought I'd share the smile. There have always been certain people in my family that were a bit...particular...about the items in the refrigerator. ;)

So, today is the official first day of Fall Break. I'm so thankful that I don't have to slog through a normal Thursday this week. Tuesdays and Thursdays seems to be the bane of my existence, but oh well, there are only 33 days of class left in this semester (which is hard to believe!). It should be bearable...that is, if it will EVER stop raining. I don't usually mind the rain -- it helps me focus when I need to study or think -- but I can't stand it for days and days on end. Anyway, it's supposed to stop raining by tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to hiking with my family at Petit Jean and getting lost in a corn maze Saturday night with some friends.

It feels like there are a million other things on the tip of my tongue, but I can't put any of them into words. Maybe I'll be able to put my thoughts together while I'm out of school for a few days. Right now I think I'm going to ... get ready for bed. Sleep sounds good.

His words are new every day

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,

To the saints who are in Ephesus, and are faithful in Christ Jesus:

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

why was I scared again?

Is it really October already? And not only October, but October 3rd? The time speeds by so quickly. Only two months of school remain. On one hand, it's a comforting thought, knowing that this semester will be over and done with before too long. On the other hand, it's a thought that makes me nervous, because when this semester is gone, I'll be counting down the days until I fly away to France. There's still a small possibility that the details won't fall into place, and I'll just be here, but it's looking more and more like I'll be studying abroad in the spring. Everyone assumes that I'm super excited, and in a way, I am. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. But, as wonderful as the opportunity seems to be, I'm also feeling extremely apprehensive, nervous, and just plain scared of it. I'm going to live in a different country, a few thousand miles from home and everyone I love, for four months, where I'll be forced to acclimate to a new culture and surroundings and to study subjects I'm not even sure I'll like. I'm going to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and even stupid at times because no one will understand what I'm *really* trying to say. Taking this trip is taking a big risk.

That's what goes on in my head -- all the things I don't say. This is me when the walls are down. I'm not always brave. I'm not always strong. And I don't always have the faith I should. I *know* that God has never let me down. I *know* that He's the same God here as he is in France. I *know* that He has a perfect purpose for me, and that he's even more excited about it than I am. But even those guys in the Bible who should have known better got scared, and here I am in the same boat as them. The story about Jesus calming the storm just popped into my head. That means I should probably read it.

Mark 4:35-41 (New International Version)

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

Let's see. The first thing that jumps out to me is the fact that they weren't just out on the lake for a joy ride; they had a purpose, and a purpose-giver. Jesus initiated the trip. The second thing I notice is that his own disciples asked Jesus if he really cared if they drowned. Even *they* had doubts. The third thing that seems significant to me is that Jesus didn't scream at his disciples in anger; rather, he calmed the storm and taught them the importance of faith.

If God asks me to "go over to the other side" and leave this "crowd" behind, I know that I will be taking Him along on the journey. I know that I don't have to be afraid because He cares about me - even if I do give in to my doubts and fears. He will still be the all-powerful and infinitely merciful King of the universe, and the wind and the waves will obey Him. But, I pray that I will have the faith and the strength to let the wind and waves rage if it accomplishes His will and brings Him more glory.

Taking this trip seems risky -- just like sailing into a storm -- but with Abba, the storm the safest place I can be.

rainy morning musings

The raindrops outside remind me of my own thoughts. Large ones, small ones, significant, insignificant, spattering the ground, losing themselves in puddles, then streams. Some stick to the window. Others slip away. Still, the deluge persists. But in the midst of the cold downpour, I find hope and I find peace in the sovereign power and steadfast goodness of God.

Oh, if I could read the Psalms all day, I would.

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

a really long catch-up post

So, I’m sitting here before bed with a bowl of vanilla frozen yogurt (which is even creamier and yummier than regular ice cream) and a mug of hot chocolate. Just in case you were still wondering, there’s the proof of my indecisiveness. I must say that it’s a rather delectable combination, though. I think they sell hot chocolate ice cream floats (called Snowballs, maybe?) in the Saloon at Silver Dollar City, but I’ve never had one. I guess this is close. Anyway, I still have a few minutes to stay curled up in my robe before I move on to bed, so I figured I’d take the opportunity to catch up on everything I haven’t written over the past few weeks. Well, probably not everything, since that’s ... a lot ... but as close as I can get. (Btw, I just realized that my last post was post number 117, and that made me happy. I'm a nerd. :P )

First in my brain queue is school, oddly enough. :P It may only be the third week, but school has snowed me under like a blizzard in Québec. I dropped the upper division History and Structure of the English Language class after the second week of school because I couldn’t see a point to devoting hours to complicated phonetics problems that would serve no purpose in my life -- none whatsoever. I transferred into Lifespan Development after a fruitless search for classes within my majors. This class is at least slightly within my field of interest, although it doesn’t count for anything but general hours, and it should be an easy A. Dr. Bailey questioned me thoroughly about why I was adding that class, and I had to explain how difficult it is to find classes that I can take within both of my major fields that don’t conflict with one another. I often wish the departments at UCA would learn to communicate more effectively. I also often wish that International Studies and French professors would learn to get over their Tuesday/Thursday class fetish. I am now taking 5 classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays alone, just because those professors happen to love those days. My classes start at 8am and don’t end until 4pm, with only a 1 hour break at x-period from 1:30 to 2:30, and believe me: those six hours of class turn into some of the longest hours of the week. It also makes Wednesdays horrible, because certain professors take sadistic delight in assigning extra work for me to do between Tuesday and Thursday, on top of everything else. Hopefully I’ll make it through -- alive and mentally sound. I’m cramming so much history into my brain right now that I think it might explode. History of Europe, History of American Diplomacy, History of French Literature...they’re all interesting, but so overwhelming all at once. I’ve never felt like I knew so little and couldn’t figure out a way to catch up.

Fortunately, I have the privilege of singing in choir every single day, and those aren’t long, overwhelming hours at all. Not everyone gets to do something they love every day and get college credit, stress relief, *and* fantastic memories for it. I am so excited about some of the repertoire we’re preparing; it’s going to be awesome. “Cloudburst” is probably my favorite, because I’m just a sucker for Eric Whitacre’s work. Borodin’s “Polovtsian Dances” are going to be fantastic, too. I can’t wait to perform those with Mr. Getzov and the Conway Symphony.

Despite the workload of the past few weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to make some of the best memories of my life. I played laser tag with the guys at Brett’s birthday party at Playtime Pizza...and schooled them all. I saw Tim Hawkins live -- yes, *live* -- and laughed harder than I had in a long time. I honestly don’t think that I’ve laughed so hard or so long in my life: I was laughing nearly constantly for the entire 2 hour show. After the show, Tim Hawkins let Ali and I pose for pictures with him, which is probably one of the most exciting things to happen to me all year. (Sure, call me pathetic. I don’t care. I think he’s one of the funniest men on earth.)

I spent a night and a day on choir retreat at the Heifer Ranch, too, singing and getting to know my choir-mates. I have to say that it is one of my best college memories so far. The singing was awesome, but what was even more awesome was what God did that night in the cabin with a few girls gathered for a Bible study. Before the night was over, the Holy Spirit had changed our attitudes regarding a negative situation, forged strong sisterly bonds, and given us a new sense of our identity as Christians and our purpose in the choir. It certainly wasn’t what I was expecting out of a choir retreat, but then again -- when has God been anything I expected?

I celebrated my birthday on the 1st by going to class; it was just another day. I was excited about going to church that night though, and then...Ali threw me a curve ball: a surprise party! She knew that I love Tuesday night church...and that I love seeing my friends...so she combined the two, and the result was the perfect surprise and the perfect party. Everything was French-themed: Megan drew the coolest poster and Mrs. Amy baked and decorated the perfect cake. Most importantly, my friends, my family, and even my church family were there to celebrate with me. I was completely taken aback and humbled as I looked around at all of the faces: all of the people who took the time to make my birthday special. I’ve always wondered what it would be like if someone threw me a surprise party, but I doubted anyone ever would. I still can’t believe I didn’t ruin the surprise. I’ve always ruined my birthday and Christmas surprises, but this time, I was clueless until I walked in the door. Ali had me totally fooled into thinking we were arriving early to babysit, and I was so surprised when everyone flooded out of the back room yelling Happy Birthday that I was still shaking as I started hugging everyone! I just couldn’t believe that all of those people were there.

The best part of the celebration, though, was when Chris asked everyone to participate in his family’s birthday tradition. When someone in his family has a birthday, they get to choose their favorite dinner, which is served on the special blue plate. At dinner, each member of the family talks about the character qualities of the birthday person, seeking to encourage and build them up in the faith. Chris opened the floor, and one by one, my closest friends began pouring words of blessing and encouragement into my life. They told me of ways I had helped them that I didn’t even know about, and I realized that God had been using me in ways I hadn’t imagined. I also realized that even the things that I struggled to do, God had turned into blessings for others. After hearing what everyone had to say, I was overwhelmed and moved almost to tears with gratefulness for the grace and mercy of God. I left church that night with an uplifted heart and renewed strength. I’ve never had a birthday party like *that* before, and I can honestly say that I’ve never had a better birthday. :)

Well, it’s a lot later than I’d intended to go to bed, but better late than never, I suppose. I have a lot of reading to do tomorrow, so I’m going to rest up so I can knock it out quickly. I want to be able to hang out with Mom sometime this weekend. We were talking about pedicures, restaurants, coffee, shopping, a symphony concert...who knows what combination we’ll actually settle on. Anyway, good night. Rest in the grace and peace of Christ Jesus our Lord.

the first two days

So, Ali and I were standing in the kitchen Wednesday night, cooking (me) and talking (her), when we heard a key in the door, and it opened. My first thought was, "Great. The RA didn't even knock." But, I was wrong. Three girls walked in, each burdened with bags, boxes, and suitcases. They quickly tossed their names at us as they headed for Candice's room, leaving Ali and I stare at one another in bewilderment. Two of them had appeared to be African, and their words, which we overheard from the bedroom, seemed strangely indistinguishable. We figured out that Mary was the one actually moving in, and she came into the kitchen to put something in the freezer. She told us that she had been moved into Stadium Park apartments, but something was wrong with the room, so Housing moved her to our suite. None of us had been informed, but that's par for the course. She said she hoped that we were friendly, and we realized that she had gotten the wrong impression from the surprised looks on our faces when she walked in, so we assured her that she was quite welcome. She went to visit with Candice, and it wasn't long before we found out that Mary's from Cameroon, and she speaks French. I was so excited I wanted to squeal and dance around like a little girl. Well, actually, I did, come to think of it, but...hey, how crazy is it that I would be assigned a suitemate that speaks French? We started talking in French, and I could understand her really well. She said that I spoke extremely well, too, which was encouraging. I feel much more confident when native speakers can understand me, not just professors.

Anyway, my first two days of classes went quite well. All of my professors are either energetic, sarcastic, interesting, or a combination of the three, which I love. I think this semester's assignments will be mostly reading. I can handle that. I've had the chance to hang out with some old acquaintances, and I'm slowing starting to see more of the gang. It's good to be back. :) Ali and I have had some great times already - Star Trek and Robin Hood: Men in Tights, poptarts and chocolate - and I'm looking forward to many more.

I've been having dizzy spells today, though, so I'm going to head to bed and see if I can sleep it off. Night!

crazy first day

I have to start by expressing how thankful I am for the gift God gave me this year: a summer with my family. Honestly, I thought that living at home with them during the summer months was going to be a trial, but God proved me wrong. Once again, He illustrated the fact that His plans are better than mine. There was healing, restoration, growth, laughter -- so many good things -- and I was sad that it had to end. So, God's plan: 1, Grace's plan: 0.

Now that I've moved into my apartment though, I can say that God has a season for everything. It's okay to be sad about the end of one season, and it's also okay to be excited about the beginning of another one. Which brings me to today. What. a. day. I have missed the insanity of girl time. It was so refreshing to start off the morning with Candice and Ali in the kitchen, chatting and cooking breakfast. I have been blessed with the most wonderful suite - better than I could have planned. Actually, it isn't what I planned, but as usual, God's plans are better. Ali and I had arranged to share the apartment with two friends that we already knew, but because of extenuating circumstances both of them had to change their plans, and another girl was assigned to our suite to replace one of them. At first I was a little skeptical about this idea of a random suitemate...but then I met Candice. She is amazing. I honestly can't wait to live with her this semester. So...yes, God's plan: 2, Grace's plan: 0.

Unfortunately, our apartment does not have working internet, so I'm using someone else's weak signal from the corner of our apartment. It hasn't been working for weeks, from what I've heard, so tomorrow, they're going to hear about it - again - in no uncertain terms. I hate dealing with the UCA Housing Department; they're never helpful, and you have to be abrasive to get anything accomplished. :/ I'm waiting on God's plan to come through on this one...

But anyway, today was also an awesome day because I got to spend it with Ali, hanging out, eating, having girl talk, laughing until we couldn't stand up...the usual. Most of my stuff has been unpacked and melded with hers in an organized fashion, as well, which gives me a good feeling. This apartment really feels home-y. There are still a few odds and ends we need to pick up at the Stuffmart, like an ice tray, but...overall, it's quite comfortable. I love the feeling I get from walking into a real kitchen to get a glass of water when I'm thirsty. I even love the feeling I get from doing the dishes. Weird, I know, but that's just me.

The other highlight of my day was finding out that I will be in the Concert Choir this semester. :) I've wanted to sing with them since freshman year, but I was too nervous about adding the time commitment at first. Now, though, I realize that I'm here at college not only for the classes, but for the experiences, and it's worth it to make time for something like this that I want to do. Singing makes me happy. Singing in a choir makes me happier. Singing in a *good* choir makes me the happiest! :)

Anyway, I need to get some sleep now so that I can get up in the morning and be fully awake for all of things I need to accomplish: friends to see, appointments to keep, errands to run, internet functionality to procure...you know, the usual. I'll be in touch.

<3

not for the faint of...stomach?

Since my thoughts are not very organized right now, this is probably going to end up as "mind vomit." My apologies in advance to those of weaker constitution.

As a result of babysitting over the past week and a half, I've discovered once again how much I enjoy the quiet, early morning hours. I haven't seen many of them this summer, but I'm hoping to overhaul my schedule this fall. Fortunately, my classes are going to force me to make some changes anyway. Class starts at 10am MWF and 9:25am TTh, but Ali has an 8am class MWF, so I'm sure I'll be waking up early every day. Strangely enough, I think I actually prefer that. Getting up at the same hour(especially an earlier hour) generally makes me feel better, and it gives me time to work out or work on homework without the distractions that present themselves later in the day. This is all theory so far, though -- I make no promises as to how my REAL schedule is going to fall into place.

My store manager told me last week that it's become a very real possibility again that I could be transferred to a Conway store. She and one of the other store managers would like for me to be able to stay in the company instead of being terminated. (It's a good feeling, being wanted.) :) It all depends on the store manager in Conway, though. If she can make room for me, I'll gladly join her team; if not, I'll trust that God has something else in mind. However, one thing is for sure: I'm going to miss working at the Cabot store. :(

Speaking of work, schedules, and classes...I need to order books for my History of American Diplomacy class and sell the textbook I bought for the Logic class I dropped. Taking three classes that don't directly count for either of my majors was stressing me out, so a few weeks ago, I decided to look through the list of classes once again to see if I missed a possibility. That's when I found the Diplomacy class. I don't know how I missed it before! It counts for my International Studies major, which I definitely need to be working on, since I'm almost done with the requirements for my French major. Anyway, I'm glad to be taking three, instead of two, upper division classes that are worth something. I was feeling the pressure of time running out (even though I know I have some breathing room). It's hard to remind myself to slow down and remember that I don't have to rush through everything.

I have a tendency to obsess about productivity to the point that every minute serves a purpose, which can be both a good and a bad thing. I suppose there's a reason that I'm as driven and ambitious as I am, but I'm trying to learn to strike a balance. I think using time wisely is about moderation, not obsessive achievement. Maybe if I can remember that more often, I can eliminate some of this guilt, stress, and fear over not having done "enough." I'm sure there's a spiritual principle here that I've been forgetting...probably something about trusting God. I think it would be worth some thought and prayer later.

Oh - I've been thinking over the past couple of days about something I heard on the radio. It was just one of those 2 minute devotional spots that air on KLOVE or SpiritFM; I don't remember which station it was, and I don't remember who was talking. Anyway, the guy was challenging listeners to rethink the way they look at each day, and what he said really made sense to me. Instead of waking up every day, staggering under the weight of our emotional, relational, or financial stresses, or just moaning about another Monday, we should look at ourselves as being "one day closer." Today, I am one day closer to Christ, one day closer to healing in a relationship, one day closer to the other side of a financial crunch, one day closer to freedom from a habit, one day closer to spiritual maturity, one day closer seeing Him face to face in heaven. The burden seems so much lighter when I remind myself that today, I really am one day closer.

Anyway, I should see what else needs to be taken care of today. I have some Mexican layered dip to make for Mishal's party tonight, and I need to call the body shop to ask why they haven't called me back about the part I ordered for the car. :P

Grace and peace in Christ. :)

In honor of my brother.

I can't believe that yesterday marked the first fifteen years of my brother's life. It seems like just yesterday that I was stepping in his baby drool (he always left a trail wherever he crawled), racing his Hot Wheels down the hallway, or sliding down the stairs in a pillow-stuffed sleeping bag. We used to be so young. Where did the years go? We still bicker and argue and wrestle (and I still win), but I have to look up to tell him that now because he's a strapping, 6 foot 3 inch teenager. He's not a little boy anymore.

When he was born, I used to think about what it would be like in six years, when I was 12 and he was 6, or what it would be like in ten years, when he was 10 and I was 16. It was always hard to imagine how we would look and what we would do, but I knew one thing for sure: he was my precious little brother and I would always love him like crazy, no matter how old we were. Now that I'm almost 21, and he's 15, that little boy has become a young man who I still love (even in his adolescent moments). He's also become more than just my brother and a young man; he's become a friend. Of course, like any good friend, he makes me laugh, gives me good advice, and drives me nuts, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. ;)

So, Isaac, if you're reading this, I want you to know how proud I am of you. With a strong and caring spirit, you stand up for those that others put down and protect those who are weaker than you. You are sensitive and compassionate, seeking out ways to help those around you with a servant's heart. You even use your sense of humor to lighten the mood in difficult and tense situations. You are growing into a man of strong character, Isaac, and strength of character is infinitely more valuable than any amount of muscle you can build. :) I admire you, I love you, and I thank God for the fifteen years I've been blessed to spend with you. I look forward to many more. <3

33 days.

More has happened in my life during the last 33 days than I could ever hope to capture in words, much less in a blog post. I think that very fact has been the reason I’ve avoided writing for so long; everything is just so overwhelming at times. I’m going to write, though, even if the words aren’t adequate, because what I’ve shoved to my mental back burner is now boiling over. :P

This post may be a little more personal, a little more honest, a little more vulnerable than other things I’ve written. Maybe it’s because I believe I’m reaching a place in life where what people think of me doesn’t matter so much. I probably feel that way because the situations I’ve faced during the past month have brought me to a new threshold in this growth process. I still feel like the little girl tripping along at her Daddy’s side, lagging a bit behind because her legs are still shorter than His, but I’m doing my best to follow my heart and keep in step with my Abba, even when the decisions are hard. Putting on my spiritual big-girl pants, as Chris likes to call them, is never an easy thing to do! But, God has been faithful in every way possible, strengthening and comforting me in every step of obedience.

Two situations in particular stand out in my mind. Both involve relationships, so I’ll handle them with care. After spending couple of happy months in a dating relationship, I started to notice a nagging feeling deep down inside that something wasn’t quite right. A few of my closest friends were sharing observations with me that seemed to confirm that something wasn’t right, even though I didn’t want to listen, and it took a few weeks for me to realize that maybe God was trying to tell me something. It took a lot of courage to get quiet, to pray, and to listen, because I wasn’t sure I was going to like what I heard. Unfortunately, I knew I wouldn’t have peace until I did. So, after a few days of deep soul-searching and intense emotional and spiritual struggle, I realized that God was asking me to let go of the relationship. It was becoming a distraction to me, keeping me from serving Him with all that I am, and to continue would be extremely unhealthy to both of us. I hope no one misunderstands me, though, because I don’t regret this relationship or any other relationship I’ve had. There is a season for everything, and this season was fruitful for both of us. I wholeheartedly thank God for that blessing. I just believe that He’s now asking me to be content in a season of singleness for a while.

Looking back, I realize that my friends and family were speaking words of insight, wisdom, and even prophecy into my life, because they were all confirmed in my spirit and by other Christians - both before and after the fact. We’ve been learning about spiritual gifting and attempting to walk more intimately with the Spirit as a Body at Christ Church over the past month or two, and to see it play out in my life is amazing.

The other situation I’ve faced during the last 33 days involved my relationship with my mother. It’s no secret that I love my mother dearly, but we’ve encountered our share of rocky patches as most mothers and daughters do. After all, every human relationship has its issues. Personalities clash, opinions differ, roles change. Thankfully, we were able to talk at the beginning of summer when I moved home, which began the healing and growth process for both of us. As the weeks progressed, I kept studying 1 Corinthians 6 and 7 on Tuesday nights and asking for prayer over our relationship. Of course, when you ask God for something like that, He usually deals with your end of the problem first. :P He began convicting me that I needed to examine my role in creating tension in the relationship and take responsibility for making peace. (If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18) When I realized that my false assumptions, perceptions, and fears were contributing to our problem, I knew it was time for me to put on my big-girl pants and communicate honestly with my mom. There were certain subjects that I’d never addressed with her since I started college because I was afraid she would disagree with my judgment. What God showed me was that if I claim to be mature enough make independent decisions, I should be mature enough to own them. I finally reached a point in my personal growth where I was able to find the courage to do it, and the funny thing is: I can actually laugh about it now. Why? Because it turned out that my mom and I actually see things quite similarly. Our relationship was essentially suffering from miscommunication, false assumptions, and a lack of openness. However, I’m so happy to say that nothing could be further from the truth now. I feel like my mom and I have a better relationship now than we’ve ever had! :)

So, overall, life is good. Step by step, I’m learning to match my Daddy’s stride. He has proven Himself so loving and patient, even when I lag behind or trip over my feet, and nothing compares to the feeling I have when I know, deep down, that I’m walking in step with Him. He has given me such indescribable peace and joy at his side, a peace and joy that comfort my heart when the steps are hard to take. It's like a warm squeeze of the hand, a strong arm around the shoulder. More and more, I’m amazed by His closeness, His care - His intimate involvement in my everyday life. I see His fingerprints all over the little things every single day. Sometimes it’s a lesson from Scripture, a word of insight or encouragement from a friend, or providentially arranged circumstances, and sometimes it’s finding out that God has woven together past events to put me in the right place at the right time, or that He’s somehow used me to speak into someone else’s life just when they needed it. I shared my excitement with Mom the other day, and she said, “It feels like this is what life’s supposed to be, doesn’t it?”

And she’s right. This is what life is supposed to be. A little girl walking hand in hand with her loving Father.

Nothing can be better than this.

hired! and other news.

I just realized that I haven't written anything in a while, and that I'm not exactly sure where I left off. I spent the first part of last week preparing for my trip to Virginia, Thursday to Sunday in Virginia, and Monday and Tuesday being lazy and recuperating from Virginia. I'm tired of being lazy now, though, and I need to be productive. Speaking of which, I got the job at Cato! I spent four hours in training on Tuesday morning, and Monday will be my first work day. My manager scheduled me for eight hours - 12:30 to 9:30; we'll see how that goes! I only work five hours on Thursday, but I agreed to work at the Jacksonville store an extra three hours on the 4th of July. I need as many hours as I can get.

Kendra sent me a draft of her budget for the spring semester in France, and I honestly don't know where all of the money is going to come from. Even though I know that God's always taken care of the details in the past, I'm starting to stress about it now. I know I shouldn't. :P I just don't have $6000, or a definite plan for getting it. Anyway. I'm just going to put that aside for now and think about it tomorrow when I'm not tired and I've had time to sleep on it and pray about it.

In other news, the trip was ctrl-alt-awesome! I just wish that I'd been able to stay longer. I miss Lindsey. :( But seeing her for three and a half days was better than not seeing her at all. She'll be coming back for Bop on the Lake in September, so I'll have a chance to spend more time with her then. :) Anyway, the combination of Lindsey and me with Stephen, Nathan, Tiffany, and Ian was amazing. Except for the few hours we had to crash for at least a little sleep, we were filling the time with pedicures, hot tubs, impulsive Target trips, failed tequila runs, hair highlighting, dancing, Catch Phrase, Rock Band, metro hopping, conversation, spy missions, and other random craziness. I really enjoyed meeting Tiffany, Ian, and Nathan (it was about time!). ;) Hopefully, it won't be the last time that I see any of them, because they're all rather awesome in their own right. I would definitely invite them to come with me and T-Pain on a boat. ;)

After such an eventful weekend and a late flight home on Sunday, I crashed hard on Monday, physically and emotionally. I was so exhausted, and I actually felt kinda blue. Looking forward to the weekend for so long and realizing it was over was a bit of a let down, but that's just how things go. I never want good times to be over. On the bright side, though, at least I can make new good times! :) I've decided that I'm ready to spend my time more productively this summer, and I seem to have plenty to think about and plenty to do, too. I need to prepare things to move into my apartment, balance my bank accounts and figure out a budget for the next year (including France), get involved in some of the ministry opportunities coming up at church, schedule the repair for my car, and take care of some Mary Kay business. I suppose, if I have the time, I'd also like to do more reading, and maybe I'll finally finish the scrapbook of my trip to Québec. I bought a really cute scrapbook today that I'm going to use for France pictures - a random Tuesday Morning find. :) Probably the last thing I'm going to buy for the next six months, too. :/

Anyway.....despite all these things that have crept onto my mind, I'm still feeling much more at peace this week than I have been. God's helped me to surrender a few things to Him, and I think I'm finally allowing myself to just be still -- still enough to feel His strong, steady hands around me and to remember the peace and security of being His. There is such freedom in being owned by Christ; I don't understand why I think my way is better sometimes. :P *sigh* Once again, I find myself pushing every hindrance aside, out of my way. Such is life, I think.

Well, I'm going to go pick up my room and get ready for bed. I'm getting sleepy. I just caught myself typing, "It's been nice talking to you." Hehe. I guess I do feel like I'm talking to someone when I write, if only to myself. The conversation I have in my head really helps me to identify and organize my feelings and process problems. Anyway, I've enjoyed the chat. :) Later.

exhaustion, and new recipes.

I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, but it's been a few days...and I don't have the energy to do anything else at the moment. I've been on the verge of a headache all day, and I can't figure out why. Hopefully it won't linger. Mom is taking us to the lake tomorrow afternoon to swim since it's finally getting warm enough. Some of my best summer memories have been made at the lake on lazy afternoons with my family, a friend or two, some splash bombs, lots of snacks, the sand, and the water. Throw in a stop at Sonic or Pizza Hut on the way home, and I call it a great day. :)

I didn't realize until I collapsed on my bed a little while ago how crazy today was. I was describing it to Stephen, and it was just one thing after another. It even started oddly, because I woke myself up at 8:30 by falling out of bed. :P I caught myself on my hands and knees, so I didn't hurt myself, but it was such a strange experience, waking up and staring at the floor. My first thought was just, "What the heck? I haven't fallen off my bed since...I don't even remember when!" I hadn't been sleeping well, I suppose, and I was tossing and turning. Anyway, I made sure I looked extra-cute (well, at least I hope so), made a Mary Kay delivery at 12:30 and then interviewed with the manager at Cato. I think I'd have a great chance at the job if I was going to be available for a longer period of time. No one is looking for temporary employees. :P The manager who interviewed me did say that she'd consider me if she didn't find someone who could fill the position on a more permanent basis, though, so I suppose I have more of a chance than I would otherwise. She scheduled my interview before she knew I was only looking for work during the summer.

After the interview, I made a run to the grocery store to pick up some produce and a few extra ingredients I needed to make risotto for dinner. Mom called when I was almost through, asking me to pick her up at the body shop, because they needed over an hour to look at the van. We stopped at a couple of furniture stores because she and Dad wanted my opinion on the couch and chair they're trying to find for the living room. By that time, I was pretty hungry, having not eaten in six hours, so I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich when we got back home. (For some reason, I've been craving grilled cheese this week.) I'd just sat down when the shop called to tell us the van was ready, so I had to finish my sandwich, wait for a bit of family drama to cool down, and then take Mom back to the shop to pick it up. By the time I got home again, it was time to start prepping dinner. Hehe.

I spent a couple hours working on Fennel and Onion Risotto (my first try at risotto) and Lemon-Garlic Chicken (my own experiment). The risotto took a while, since I'd never made it before, but it was super-delicious. Everyone said they liked it, but the proof was in the fact that they actually ate it, and Dad even went back for seconds. :) I'm excited about trying different risotto recipes now. :) Even though I was pretty tired after dinner was done, I decided to whip up a batch of Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies, a recipe that Lindsey shared with me. She said they're her favorites, so I figured I couldn't go wrong. Sure enough, they're fantastic! There isn't any plain sugar in the recipe - only rolled oats, bananas, oil, vanilla, cinnamon, salt, almond meal, shredded coconut, and chocolate chips. I substituted some extra oats for the coconut, since I didn't have any on hand, and I adjusted for the loss of sweetness by using cocoa-roasted almonds to make the almond meal and using very ripe bananas. It looks like an easy recipe to experiment with, so I may do that when I have some extra time after the trip.

Speaking of which, it's only two days 'til I fly to Virginia! :D I still need to do laundry and wrap up some last-minute tasks, but I should be more than ready to hop on the plane Thursday morning. I'm so excited!

I'm also very tired, so I'm going to finish this episode of Lie to Me and call it a night.
~Grace

new things.

So, it's one o'clock on a Thursday afternoon, and I'm still in bed, pondering the wonderfulness of summer days with nothing to do. :) I had a thoroughly enjoyable day yesterday with Stephen, wandering around at the mall and trying on weird outfits, hanging out with Justin and Britany, swing dancing at the Bop Club, and drinking milkshakes at Sonic. My car battery even died at Sonic, so that was a small adventure in itself. There was a very kind lady there who had a pair of jumper cables, though, and helped us out. I need to tell Dad about that tonight and get some cables for myself to keep in the car. It's not the first time this car has died.

Anyway, I wish that I had some extra spending money at the moment. If I did, I'm pretty sure I would have gotten one of the dresses I tried on at Dillard's. They were holding one of their after-prom clearance sales, so the dresses were actually affordable, and there were one or two that were absolutely stunning. :D Oh well, it won't be the last time I find a pretty dress. :) Stephen bought me some earrings that I can't wait to wear. The fleur de lis caught my eye. ;)

I'd been warming Stephen up to the idea of learning how to swing dance, so when Lindsey mentioned that we might go dancing next Friday night, I figured I should take him to the Bop Club at least once to give him a crash course. Last night, they were teaching the Basic II, which is close enough to the beginning to catch on. The instructors were extremely helpful and actually gave him private tutoring and practice after the lesson. I'm excited -- he caught on really quickly and wants to improve. :) In his words, I now have a dance partner that I like and who isn't a creepy old man. ;)

Oh, just finished watching the pilot episode of Mental on Hulu, and I genuinely liked it. For me, it was a perfect combination: intellectually interesting, emotionally touching, amusingly witty, and at times, laugh-out-loud funny. The cute and British Dr. Jack Gallagher factor is a plus, too. ;) Anyway, overall, it seemed real. Or maybe I just have too much interest in or experience with mental disorders. :P That aspect of the show is actually intriguing; in that sense, it reminds me a bit of Monk. At certain points, it flashes to what a particular patient in the psychiatric hospital is seeing, and it's interesting to guess what kind of disorder they have. I figured out a couple of them. Anyway, I'm looking forward to catching up on more episodes...there's only three so far. Yay - new show! :)

Well, I should probably get out of my pjs or something. :P Probably. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. lol

maybe too lazy?

The days seem to be getting lazier. I need to find something to do. :P I've accomplished some important things over the past couple of weeks, but my level of productivity is slowly waning. Maybe I should take a few hints from Lindsey, though, and learn that it's actually okay to relax! :)

I made some banana bread with Mom's new stand mixer last weekend, and it turned out to be rather tasty. Just using the stand mixer was a dream come true, since I've been patiently waiting for years while Mom and Dad talked about getting one but never did. :P Anyway, I was just lying on my bed staring at my shelves, and I realized that I haven't watched all of my Good Eats DVDs yet, much less tried all of the recipes. That sounds like a good summer project. I'm sure Mom won't object to my planning some meals over the next few weeks - the more time she has to sew, the better. Perhaps I'll finally get to wear those skirts she's been working on for months. ;) (just kidding, Mom)

I should probably make a packing list for my trip to Virginia so that I don't forget anything important. I'm so excited...I haven't seen Lindsey in nearly a year, and Stephen's flying out with me on the 18th for a four day visit. 9 days, 21 hrs, 05 mins! :D

I have a couple of job interviews coming up that I'm a little tiny bit nervous about. I don't know how they'll go, or what will come of them, but hopefully one of them will result in a job. Then maybe some of the financial pressure will be off. There are several large-ish expenses coming up that I really want to be able to take care of on my own. I guess this is one of those times when I have to trust God to work things out.

Anyway...I'm off to do...things.....

:)

lazy days.

Today's one of those lazy days...just a summer Saturday with nothing pressing to do. So, I've spent it playing Monkey Snowfight and Battleship online with Stephen, watching people pull pranks in YouTube videos, playing around on my violin, looking up songs from Keith Urban's new album (and a few of his older songs that I hadn't heard), and helping Mom throw dinner together. That turned out fabulously, by the way: grilled hamburgers, hot dogs, and lamb (o.m.g. - delicious), with marinated zucchini, squash, red onion, and mushrooms, and raw cauliflower with ranch dip. Mmm.

Now everyone's in the other room watching Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade. I guess I'm just not in the mood for it. The sad thing is, I don't know what I *am* in the mood for. I'm sure if I actually opened up my notebook, I'd find a huge list of things I could do...but I'm not really in the mood to get up and get it either. :P Heh, I know...I sound awfully pathetic. I figure I can afford to be every once in a while during the summer. I've been pretty productive this week, I think, though. Wednesday morning, I decided to look over the list of required books for next semester's classes, since I find that it's easier to order them early so I don't have to worry about it later in the summer. If I'd bought them all new from the campus bookstore, the total would have been somewhere around $470. (Yeah...not cool.) But, thanks to the handy shopping skills I learned from my mom, I got what I needed for $330. Heck to the yes. ;) I was excited, and a little proud of myself.

What I'd really like to do is find a new comforter for my new apartment bedroom so that I can leave the one I have in my room here, since it matches the walls and curtains. All of Ali's stuff is blue, but I'm not sure if I'm going to try to match any of it. I think I might go for a contrasting dark red, maybe a red toile print. Whatever I pick, I'll probably be hanging onto it for a while and using it as the centerpiece for my bedroom ensemble. Our suite is already starting to break up - even before we've moved in - so I don't know what my living arrangements will be next year. Danielle will be getting married in October or November, and I'll hopefully be spending the spring semester in France. Things will be drastically different by next summer, I'm sure. Maybe I'll have a steady job or an internship. ... Maybe not. I'll be many hours closer to finishing my degree, though, which is scary. I'm reaching that point of pressure where I'd really like to know what the next step is going to be. *sigh* I don't know -- too many options. I think I'm going to go play with my violin some more. Perhaps more thoughts later...

contentedness

I don't really have a lot to say except that I'm super happy right now. Well, maybe "happy" isn't the best word -- "contented" would be a better one. Life still isn't perfect (shocker), but I have so much to be thankful for. Just a few things...

I don't have a job yet, but there are a few opportunities that might work out. We'll see. I'm glad I have my Mary Kay business to fall back on; sales have been good this month, and I should be getting a commission check, too. I'd like to book some facials to refresh my memory, so if you have a few minutes and want to try a new look, let me know. :)

My best friend of 10 years and pseudo-sis, Lindsey, lives 982 miles away, but I had the chance to talk for quite a while with her on the phone yesterday, which is something that doesn't happen very often. We laughed until I was collapsed on the floor in tears. :D I can't wait to find out for sure if our plans will work out for a visit in June. Hanging out, photo shoots, a luau...just seeing her again...so excited!

I haven't been in the best spiritual shape lately, so to speak, but church this week was extremely constructive. I've been feeling that nudge to make some changes, and tonight I had the chance to start. Love and selflessness were the two major concepts that hit home. I'm going to post 1 Corinthians 13 somewhere I will see it every day, because when Aaron read it tonight, I couldn't help but cringe. I haven't been doing a fantastic job of living out that kind of love. If my brothers and sisters can't count on me to be gracious, loving, forgiving, and to put their best interests above my own -- who can they count on? We need each other.

I still have boxes and boxes of stuff from school to go through and organize, but my room looks fantastic now. I cleaned out all of the other junk, dusted, and vacuumed, and I just love the way it feels and smells. :) I don't know what it is about vacuuming that makes a room feel so good. Anyway, despite all the junk I still have to sort through, I'm happy -- and thankful just to have a room and things to put in it.

My to-do list was so long today, but I accomplished nearly everything on it. It feels great. Now I'm so ready for tomorrow... :D Speaking of which, I should probably go to bed and get some rest.

Psalm 107:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

summer memories. :)

Wow, it's hard to believe what an amazing week I've had. Granted, my sleep schedule is a little wacky at the moment, and my room is an absolute wreck, but I don't mind. It's been worth it. I'm just thankful that my family is understanding, because most of the boxes, baskets, mirrors, and shelving units from my dorm room are still cluttering the floor behind the couches in the living room. I did finally move all of my clothes from my suitcases into my closet this weekend, though, which (surprise, surprise) makes it easier to get dressed in the morning. :P The "other side of my bed" is my next project, although I haven't conjured up the courage to tackle it yet. There's so much junk in the floor over there that has accumulated over the course of my two years of college, and I'm pretty sure I could throw most of it away and never miss it. I think I even stepped on an old soap mold earlier... :P (Remember those crazy huge American flags, Lindsey?) At this point, I just want to get rid of the clutter so I have a place for the stuff I actually need. It's a daunting task.

Anyway, I spent the majority of my week away from home, or at least out of my room. Stephen came to Cabot Monday afternoon, and we enjoyed the gorgeous weather hanging out at the park, drinking slushes, playing old-school Super Smash Bros. on the N64 (as usual), and watching Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (finally!). Tuesday was spent playing with Justin's crossbow and hunting bow, rocking out with the top down in Justin's Jeep, and pulling off Stephen's surprise birthday party -- which we did flawlessly, I might add. He was clueless up until he walked through the door, thanks to his awesome mom and some quick thinking on the part of his best friend. Justin, Britany, and I had to concoct a plan to keep him occupied for 45 minutes after he got his work schedule from the theater. We tossed around some ideas on the way to pick him up, but we didn't know what was actually going to come out of Justin's mouth when he got in. Stephen jumped into the Jeep and Justin promptly informed him that Britany and I needed some "feminine products" at Wal-Mart. :P (great.) So, Britany and I wandered around for a while, smelling random body washes and finding the cheapest "products" we could find to keep it believable. It was all worth it for the surprise, though, and we had a great time eating, watching American Idol (and wondering how "No Boundaries" made it to the stage), and sharing funny stories and memories. Most of us crashed his house afterwards for some Rock Band (which I'm kind of addicted to now). I didn't head home 'til about 2 in the morning. Fun times! Thank goodness for being able to sleep in.

Wednesday was Stephen's actual birthday, so I hung out at his house for the afternoon and went out to dinner with his family at Bonefish Grill. We made sure we were back at his house for the end of the American Idol finale, though, and we all screamed when Ryan announced that the 2009 American Idol was Kris Allen. For a while, I couldn't think of anything to say but, "My gosh, are you kidding? I can't believe it!" and I still think it's beyond crazy. Our very own Kris Allen, the worship leader at Chi Alpha that I admired so much from my freshman year -- is *the* American Idol. I can't wait for his albums to come out. God's given him so much talent and is obviously doing something amazing with him. (I'm looking forward to Adam Lambert's music, too -- he's definitely got an awesome voice and a lot of creativity.) Anyway...now that Idol is over for the year, I guess we'll have to come up with new conversation topics. No more talk about last night's biggest argument between the judges, discussions over the best and worst song choices, or defending the favorite contestant who got slighted. *sniff* Goodbye Idol mania - at least for a few months. :'( It's back to real life.

So...Thursday afternoon, I watched Stephen for a while as he slaughtered his enemies as Wolverine, all the while lamenting the damage to Hugh Jackman's 3D body. Such a shame. ;) Anyway, Stephen took me rock climbing at the climbing center later, and then we joined the rest of his family, Cassie, Caleb, and some other friends for Liz's going-away-to-Africa dinner at the Macaroni Grill before watching 300 at his house. Kick-awesome movie!! (minus the few scenes we skipped)

Sometime during the last couple of weeks, I also discovered that my fingers still remember how to play my violin. I thought for sure that I'd lost everything I'd ever learned, having not touched it for nearly a year, but Stephen convinced me to pick it up and give it a try, and happily, I was wrong. :) Now I think I'll pick it up every now and then just for fun.

So yes...I've loved the first two weeks of summer. There's nothing like fun friends, loud music, good movies, late nights and lazy mornings, Happy Hour Sonic slushes, or starry nights and fireflies to kick off a great summer break. I'd still like to find a job, but we'll see how that turns out. It would be nice if the opportunity at Pier 1 came through. If nothing works out, though, I'll just work on Mary Kay and spend some time volunteering. That will make it easier to go out to Virginia to visit Lindsey for her graduation in June. :) :) :) I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up too high, but I want to go so badly! I can take care of the airfare to get there -- I just have to make sure I'm not working. (It would be doubly awesome if Stephen could go with me...but that would be more difficult to work out because of his job, so I'm not counting on it.) Anyway. Next on the agenda is planning my trip to France -- which I'm also trying to be realistic about. I need to find a price tag somewhere...

I guess I've written about enough for one evening. Kudos to you if you actually read all of my ramblings! I think I'm going to either tackle some of the junk in my room or plan out my week now...

Summertime

Hello world. My name's Grace. It's a pleasure to meet you - again. Summer's here, and I have time for you now. It's a shame that papers, tests, quizzes, social drama, sleep deprivation, and stress monopolize the other nine months of my life; they're so inconsiderate. I really should find some better companions. There's something about this whole college thing that keeps me coming back for more, though, so I guess I'll just have to put up with them. It's not the dorm room, the caf food, or the rainy walks to class, that's for sure. Maybe it's the sister I have for a roommate, the friends who have become family, the crazy late nights we spend talking and praying instead of studying, the chance to earn a degree in a language I love, and the opportunity to experience God for myself. Yeah. I think that must be it.

Anyway, back to you, world. I don't know if you're ready or not, but here I am. You've been warned. ;)

boredom and sleepiness

It's only 9:45am, and I am so tired and bored already. I want to be done with my classes. Summer is calling my name...singing like the Sirens. It's rather inconvenient, considering that I still have a month left. There is so much to look forward to afterward, though! Ali and I will be able to stay in Conway and then move into our new apartment, and hopefully we will both have jobs by then. I'm looking forward to decorating our new home - as if having a bathroom for 2, not 4, a kitchen, and our own laundry room isn't enough to look forward to. And the free time this summer? More time to read, volunteer, work, work out...goof off. Yesssss.

So, yesterday was a good day. Ali and I dropped off our job applications, she found out her creative writing professor approves of her novel idea, and I spent some time catching up and hanging out with Nathaniel and the old high school gang. That was enjoyable, even if I did have to finish studying when I got back. We all still have a lot in common - especially a penchant for politics. There aren't many people here at school who like going in-depth with that topic like we do.

Anyway, this class is dragging on, and on, and on...and I'm having trouble staying awake. Hence the writing. I just want to get out of here, take my politics test, and get to 4pm - naptime. Then dinner, church, and Idol. But there's a lot to get through before now and then, unfortunately.

***

Funny, how Tuesdays and Thursdays improve after lunch. I feel really good about the politics test I took today, so that worry isn't weighing on me anymore. And church is tonight!

Mind Vomit

So, I've already posted once today, but I just can't go to bed without talking about how amazing my God is. It's been a rough week -- lots of ups and downs, but he's given me lots of little "hugs" throughout the week to get me through, and it's gotten better. I have been feeling down about the way I've been feeling lately, though. I've been in one of those places where I just don't "feel" passionate about God. I'm not really all that hungry for Him, and I just feel like doing my own thing. I hate it. But I have to be honest. Now I know this walk is not about "feeling" spiritual, or "feeling" like I want God, but I still wish I didn't go through these times of feeling so distant. So, I told Him tonight how I felt, because I hate feeling so selfish and guilty, and I felt like his response was..."It doesn't matter - you're still mine."

Still His.

And then Chris taught us about the importance of staying connected with one another, because we're so much more vulnerable when we allow ourselves to become distant and secretive. That's when we do things we regret. So, just an hour after he left, I had the opportunity to live it out when one friend, and then another, walked in my door needing to talk and pray together. I can't tell you how much I love my brothers and sisters here at school. We can laugh together, study together, talk together, cry together, and drop to our knees together at a moment's notice. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Tonight was a powerful reminder of Jesus' presence with us whenever we gather, and my heart was so encouraged. In fact, I think it lifted me out of my guilty despair and began renewing my hunger...it reminded me of who I am in Christ, and of the fact that He truly is more valuable to me than anything. It's funny...when I stop focusing on the way I feel, which is the problem, and start focusing on Him, everything starts falling into place.

Anyway. A lot of this would probably make more sense if I thought it out and wrote it tomorrow, but...nah. Mind vomit is the best.

It's Thursday!

I could say a lot of things today. The fact that the weekend is almost here gives me great joy, mixed with a bit of apprehension. It means that only four weeks of classes remain in the semester, but it also means that I have to study for another killer Comparative Politics test, write a history paper, and catch up on all of my other reading. Oh well. Just four more weeks. Oh wait, I have to look for a job, judge in a debate tournament, and choose all of my classes for next semester, too. *sigh*

Yesterday was one of those roller-coaster days. I thought I was prepared well enough for my international relations test, but...alas, it didn't go so well. Ali and Lea's test didn't go well for them, either, so we were all pretty bummed. Ali and I decided to cheer ourselves up by going out to dinner, because sometimes we just need to get out of the room and remember there's a real world out there. So we found a coffeehouse/café that we hadn't tried yet, and it happened to be the perfect choice. We basked outside in the sunshine, watched the birds (and almost got smacked in the head by a wild one), spotted a raccoon in a tree, savored some coffee while listening to some live Irish music, and giggled about the guy in the corner who kept looking our way. It was the one of the best pick-me-ups I could have asked for -- kind of like a hug from God. After all, what a coincidence that we ended up at this particular coffeehouse on the one day of the month when they have live Irish music? Really.

Oh, another highlight of yesterday...Ali pulled one of the best pranks ever. She and Aaron had our pastor, Chris, completely convinced that she was pregnant. It couldn't have gotten much better -- he fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

Anyway, I'm off to face the day. Later!

Psalm 19

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.

3 There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.

4 Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.

7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

11 By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

12 Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Fruit vs. Feeling

It took all day to write this, but it still seems fitting. You know, I hate those mornings when I wake up and all I want is to be left alone, but there's no escape to be found. I don't want to snap at everyone. I just need space. Reading doesn't work, because anyone can interrupt, and disappearing in my car doesn't work, either, because I spend the entire trip feeling guilty and apprehensive. I haven't figured out the most effective way of dealing with this state of mind, so if you have any ideas, feel free to share. As it is, I'll just wait for the mood to pass and try to be amicable.

I guess days like these make me feel like even more of a ragamuffin. :/ I mean, really, Christians are supposed to be nice, happy, charming, sweet, and obliging all the time. We walk around with smiles plastered on our faces and sing, "This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made!" After all, Paul never got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Hah. Please.

There's no way any human on this planet could wake up and feel great every single day, and I've never found a Biblical expectation for Christians to be nice, happy, charming, sweet, or obliging all the time. I do find, however, an exhortation to live by the Spirit, producing the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control Funny thing, though: the fruit of the Spirit are not feelings; each one is either a conscious state of being or a chosen action. Unfortunately, it’s easy to confuse the two in mainstream Christianity: niceness for love, happiness for joy, charm for goodness, sweetness for patience, and being obliging for kindness. They do seem similar, but they spring from radically different motives and heart attitudes. You can have the fruit of the Spirit when you crawl out of bed in a bad mood, but good luck conjuring up your counterfeit emotions!

So, that brings me back to my mood today. I may not feel like smiling (I don’t), I may not feel like singing (I don’t), and I may not feel like being “nice” (I don’t), but I can choose to live by the Spirit inside of me today. I wish I made the choice more consistently to be who I am in Christ as opposed to who I was, but with time and maturity, I pray the choice becomes more natural. Until then, please be patient with me and my childish moods. I’m still growing up.

A fitting plea.

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last


I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

Spring Break...day 1

Spring Break has arrived, an unexpected but welcome rest. I knew it was coming, but it still doesn't seem like the semester should be this far gone! We only have four weeks of classes left after this break (that is, before finals week). Tests and projects have gone well so far, so I'm trying to spend some time thinking about this summer, next fall, and next spring. Dr. Bailey wants to send me to France or Belgium, but I honestly need a way to fund it. I could use my UCA scholarship or fund it privately, in which case, it could be cheaper. Or, I could try for one of many other scholarships. The Rotary Club's Ambassadorial Scholarship would be amazing...$25,000 to spend a year studying anywhere I want.

Anyway, it feels so good to come home and do whatever I feel like doing. I helped Mom and Leeanne cook an amazing Asian-style dinner last night and followed it up with an episode of Lie to Me, and today I'm going to catch up on some laundry and do some baking and reading. It's a cloudy, pensive day - perfect for that sort of thing. I snagged some really ripe bananas from the cafeteria before I left yesterday so I could test out some banana recipes. Today I think I'm going to try making Banana Spice Muffins and Banana Oatmeal Bread since I'm in a healthy, whole-grainy kind of mood.

Mom and Leeanne are working on home ec projects, so I might get in on a little bit of that action, too. I've had a few pairs of old, worn-out jeans sitting in the laundry room for a couple of years that Mom was going to make into skirts, and I think she's finally getting around to it this weekend. Better late than never, I suppose. I'm hoping they turn out like the image I have in my mind, with the top made from the waist and seat of the jeans and the skirt made from patchwork material.

So far, I'm enjoying good, girly conversation while they rip seams and I take care of lining up speech/debate judges. Maybe I'll work up the motivation to work out later today...but I'm enjoying my PJs and coffee at the moment (even though it is three o'clock in the afternoon).

More some other time...

the blessings of weekends

Well, I have two test scores back now, and they weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be. I've decided that I can afford to take a breather this weekend. My class today was cancelled, so my weekend technically started last night. Everyone's jealous, but hey, I can't help it. I kicked it off last night with Bible study, prayer, and worship with Chris here in our room, cheering on Kris Allen as he secured his spot in the top 12, enjoying some good conversation over coffee at IHOP, having a sweet heart-to-heart with Ali, and then sleeping in this morning, so it couldn't have started out much better. :) This afternoon, I turned in the SGA forms asking for funding for a French concert next fall which I'm excited about, and now I'm looking forward to Cabin Fever night at BLS with lots of Swing and Latin...it should be a blast. Tomorrow morning, I'll be going to the Roland Crisis Closet to volunteer, probably drop by my house to visit my family for a while in the afternoon, and then go to a movie tomorrow night with Ali and my two future suitemates. :) Church is Sunday morning, and the Symphony's performance of Ode to Joy is Sunday afternoon. And...I just found some money I didn't know I had in a wallet I wasn't using in the back of my desk drawer. It's shaping up to be a fantastic weekend!

I hope yours is, too. :)

Feeling a bit battered...

Gah, I feel like I'm a horrible person. I've never felt such a strong urge to hate a professor or say such un-Jesusy things before. Fortunately, it was in the middle of a test, so I couldn't do anything -- but it took me a good 15 minutes to cool down and stay focused on the exam. He didn't give us a study guide before the test; he just told us to know everything from four book chapters, all of his lectures, and any bit of stray information that may have floated its way into the class. I made a detailed outline of one of the chapters, studied and highlighted the outlines of the other three that my classmates had written (after I'd read all three), and compiled all of my notes and studied them all the way through twice. I felt like I understood all of the material. He promised that he wouldn't be like his old college professor who wrote questions from the footnotes of chapters, but what did he do? He picked the trivia, the nitty-gritty details, and the things that weren't in bold type to write confusing fill-in-the-blank sentences and multiple choice trick questions. Now I know why everyone said they hated him and his god-forsaken tests. :\

I suppose that it didn't help that I had just finished a rather boring lecture on the causes of the Cold War and finished taking a French test that I didn't feel too confident about. I thought that I was ready for it, but I wasn't quite prepared for her exam style. At least I'll know for next time. As if I didn't feel battered enough by that point, this older French woman who hangs around and attends some of the classes came up to me in the hallway and asked if I was the French Club president. I could tell she wasn't asking just to say 'hello,' though. She evidently just wanted to know so that she could criticize me. I obviously wasn't doing an adequate job because she hadn't heard about the Mardi Gras party until Dr. Bailey mentioned crêpes to her last week. I tried to explain that it was planned at rather short notice, so the flyers weren't posted until late last week. That wasn't good enough for her evidently, and she had to complain about the fact that the meetings were advertised either. Of course, I had to try to communicate the fact we haven't *had* any meetings, because we've either been busy, had little interest, or hadn't had anything to meet about. The whole conversation felt like an attack, which irritated me. Of course, I haven't been a perfect or outstanding French Club President, but at least I'm trying to do *something* now.

The day did improve at the Mardi Gras party, though. There's just something about cheery Cajun music and fresh crêpes that makes everything alright with the world for a little while. I met a new Sénégalese exchange student from France and talked with him for a little while, and Dr. Bailey gave Cody and I some good ideas for French club activities. I need to apply for SAFA funding for next semester's activities later this week -- hopefully, I'll be a good president and remember. :P Unfortunately, there was a blight on even this delightful part of the day. Dr. Bailey informed me that only three upper-division French classes will be offered next fall: French Literature, taught by him, French Cinema, taught by Dr. Monty, and Advanced Grammar/Comp II, which I'm already taking. Essentially, that means I have to choose between a workload that will bring me to the brink of a nervous breakdown or a semester of hardcore feminism. Hmm, which will it be? *sigh* Can someone just shoot me now?

I wouldn't be so hesitant to take Dr. Monty again next semester if I didn't feel so abused in this class. I don't say much, so no one directly attacks me, but every rant seems to belittle my beliefs. I suppose that's not a big deal in and of itself, but in most cases, there is also a pervading attitude of condescension and disdain for anyone who could be "stupid enough" to hold those beliefs. Political viewpoints, moral convictions...it doesn't matter - they're all subject to criticism. That's why I wonder if I'm cut out for the Honors College. I've heard it's a tough place for Christians, but it's still so tempting because of the money available for studying abroad. I need to pray about it this week. One of the girls I've met recently in my classes is checking on the application process for me. If it works out, and if I feel led to do it, then it could provide me with a minor so that I can just major in French and double minor in International Studies and Honors. If I don't double minor in Honors, though, I'll still be looking for another minor. I'm not so sure I need to double major in I.S. and French anymore. Grad school can take care of that for me. Anyway.

After some rather irritating discussions about abortion, feminism, gay adoption, and socialized health care, I finally headed back to my room and decompressed for a little while before church. Amy's food was amazing tonight, and church was encouraging as usual. I love meeting God there every week - Sundays and Tuesdays - and now I'm even looking forward to meeting Him on Thursdays, too. Chris is coming up this week to meet with "us college kids," and I'm praying for amazing things to happen.

I suppose another highlight of the day was the free plate of pancakes at IHOP. Those were delicious. Granted, I need to work out hardcore tomorrow, but they were still delicious. ;) I've actually been very proud of the progress I've made in working out lately. Since all of the guys go every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, it's easier to hold myself accountable and go three times a week. I've gotten in some good work, too, since the guys are challenging and I'm competitive. Caleb and Ian are great at making up goofy games, too. I can't believe the increase in stamina and energy I've noticed lately, just from having worked out regularly for a few weeks. I can now jog a mile without stopping or spend 20 minutes apiece on the elliptical, rowing, and stairstepping machines. Several weeks ago, that would have been close to impossible. :)

Anyway, I need to get some sleep now that the pressure is off; I've taken as much beating as I can for the day. Thank goodness that His mercy is new in the morning.

Oh. Bleh. I have to get up early-ish in the morning to run through the pronunciations in my vocal piece. I forgot to work on that this week. *sigh* Oh well. At least I've had ten years of practicing how to fake in music lessons. ;) Hehehe.

Grace and peace.

Alarm Clocks and Gold Standards

God reminds me of my alarm clock. Every morning it when it sings to me, I hit the snooze button, and every time I hit the snooze button, it sings the same thing again nine minutes later. The Holy Spirit seems kind of like that to me: my ever-faithful Reminder. There are times when I think I've learned my lesson, but He keeps coming back and reinforcing it - maybe not every nine minutes, but always at the right time. His faithful reminders are what make the difference for poor, dumb, blundering, forgetful sheep like me, because I have a tendency to forget even the most obvious of spiritual truths, and I have an even stronger tendency to forget to live them out every day.

I realized today that my spiritual alarm clock has been singing to me lately, saying, "Don't waste your life." I've learned that lesson before; I even wrote a speech about it. But that's the thing about living the Christian life -- God never stops refining you, reminding you of those lessons. Over the past few weeks, through numerous friends and a few powerful songs, he's reminded me how fleeting and how precious life is. One of the most dangerous aspects of college life is the temptation to get caught up in the daily routine and forget the value of those days.

I tend to measure the value of a day like the United States measures the value of a dollar: relatively. Without a gold standard, the value of a dollar depends on the market, on inflation, on public opinion. What is it worth today? What will it buy for me? Likewise, with time, I wonder, "What is it worth to me today?" or "What will it buy for me?" I forget that time, unlike money, does operate on a gold standard. God gives an unchanging value to every day, an intrinsic worth. The question is, do I choose to value time based on my own fluctuating desires and standards, or do I choose to value time with God's mindset? The truth is, my time can purchase more things of higher value when I use His eternal value system. Colossians 3:1-4 explains, "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Dying to myself and being raised with Christ means that I no longer belong to myself, and time is valued by what brings Him the most glory, not what satisfies my desires.

Larry Red wanted to retire in a few years, buy a Winnebago, explore the country's best fishing spots, and start a band. During his near-death experience in the hospital last week, he realized just how fleeting life is and reexamined his value system. I felt the passion in his voice as he urged all of the young adults in our church body to live each day as if it were our last, and then he shared his new plan: to buy a Winnebago, tour the country, start a rock 'n' roll worship band, and share the testimony of how God has miraculously saved and transformed his life. That's a life sold out to God -- a life that values time on a heavenly standard.

Several contemporary musical artists have poignantly captured the truth about the value of time in their song lyrics:

"Every day is a gift we've been given; make the most of the time every minute you're livin'." - Life Means So Much by Chris RIce

"Welcome to the fallout. Welcome to resistance. The tension is here; the tension is here, between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be." - Dare You to Move by Switchfoot

"This is your time. This is your dance. Live every moment. leave nothing to chance. Swim in the sea. Drink of the deep. Embrace the mystery of all you can be. This is your time." - This Is Your Time by Michael W. Smith

Last Tuesday night, two of the amazing guys in our church body brought these ethereal lyrics down to earth for me. They began to communicate their mutual dislike of mid-life birthdays and the generally uncomfortable feeling that accompanies them. One shared that he feels uneasy thinking about being forty years old; after all, at forty, life seems halfway over. There are two questions that he knows he must ask of himself: "What have I done with the first half of my life?" and "What do I have to show for it?" My focus instantly snapped to my own life. At twenty, am I wasting my life? What am I doing of eternal value every day? In another twenty years, what kind of account will I be able to give for the life entrusted to me?

These are tough questions, but I'm grateful for the grace of God that allows me to wrestle with them. I know I'll never have it together, and I know I'll never be able to value time by God's perfect gold standard, but at least I can wake up each morning and give it everything I have, living out Romans 12:2: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Thank you, God, for being my spiritual alarm clock.

Busy week...

I probably don't have time to do this, but I'm going to make a quick post anyway. I have a few short things written up in random notebooks from boring classes that I planned to post later, but I haven't gotten around to it, and honestly, they're probably not worth reading.

Mishal and I cooked dinner for Caleb, Drew, and Trevor tonight, and it reminded me how much I really, really miss my kitchen. Cooking is stress relief. Mishal pieced together recipes for a North African-themed meal with strip steaks, carrots, shredded potatoes, mushrooms, salad, and pumpkin pie -- and it was amazing. I've never cooked carrots with garlic, cumin, paprika, and coriander before, but it was an interesting flavor combination. We threw in a little bit of liquid reserved from the cooked mushrooms and a little bit of beef broth, and I think it added the body they needed. Anyway, the only seasoning the steak needed was the flavored butter she made, and the potatoes only needed olive oil, onions, chicken seasoning, and paprika. They were a beautiful caramelized color and tasted as good as they looked. We topped off the evening with a pumpkin pie fight, so it really couldn't have gotten any better.

Now back to the real world, I guess. I have four tests this week: French Civilization on Tuesday, International Relations Critical Thinking on Wednesday, Comparative Politics part one on Thursday, and International Relations on Friday. My workbooks and hypothesis project are due in Comparative on Tuesday, and I have a little bit of homework to finish up for my other French class. That shouldn't be too bad, but I still need to set aside some time to practice the vocal music that Dr. Antolik gave me to work on. At least after this week, I won't have to feel like I'm going crazy...it'll all be behind me.

Time for bed for me...maybe I'll take a break later this week and post something else.

Another boring class

So, I’m going to sit in Comparative Politics class again today and write for my own pleasure, because I’ve already studied Stanley Milgram’s “authority” experiment at least three times.

I’m currently addicted to new song, “Gotta Be Somebody” by Nickelback. The fact that I really like a Nickelback song is still surprising to me, since that particular band has never really appealed to me, but there always seems to be that one song that can reach out and grab you when you’re not expecting it. Fortunately, though, we don’t have to watch music performed live anymore, because watching Nickelback would annoy the heck out of me. I watched the music video for the song this morning while I was waiting for class to start, and the lead singer looks like he’s having an epileptic seizure with all of his head-bobbing and eye-blinking.

I'm also really enjoying the book "Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed" right now. It was assigned for the history class I'm taking, but it's one of the best assigned books I've ever had to read. It's the story of the French village of Le Chambon-sur-Lignon and the people who lived there and sheltered Jews during WWII, and there's a lot more spiritual significance in the story than I expected. The Protestant pastor of the village and his wife were instrumental in the rescue efforts, although in their eyes, they were only doing something that needed to be done. They didn't see themselves as heros. It's the best kind of historical human interest story - one with humble Christian servants at the heart of it. I'm learning so much more than Dr. Jones ever expected we would.

By the way, on a completely different subject, it’s hard to believe that my brother is old enough to be attending the week-long TeenPact class. Mom e-mailed me pictures this morning of Isaac in his suit, and I must say he looks pretty spiffy. I hope that this week provides him with as many amazing memories as my TeenPact experiences did for me. I still remember the slapstick bill skits, the crazy mock legislature debates, the powerful prayer walks, and the intense camaraderie that developed within each class, and I’m really not sure if I’d ever had that much fun in the span of four days before. TeenPact had such an incredible role in shaping my life; hopefully, God will use it to do some awesome things in Isaac's life, too.

Well, class is long over, since I wasn't able to finish this earlier, and I'm ready for bed now. It's a lot later than I realized. Fortunately I don't have class until 10am tomorrow. :) 'Til later...

A beautiful dress

I'd love to have this one.

Distraction

I don’t particularly feel like listening to my professor right now. I know, I know – you’re judging me already. You would be paying rapt attention to his animated explanation of row and column percentages and avidly examining his graph of the extremely pertinent and serious topic of how many freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors eat cat food. What could be more relevant to any ambitious student’s higher education? *rolls eyes*

At least I get amazingly amusing quotes from this guy. It makes up for his annoying cockiness and complicated quiz questions, at least to some degree. “For nominal level data, we’ll use the example of religion, so you could have categories such as Jews, Baptists, Catholics, Muslims, Atheists, etc, and you either fit in one or the other. Now, you can’t perform mathematical operations on nominal level data; they’re simply labels, or categories. That means you can’t subtract a Baptist from a Jew and get a Catholic. I know you might have thought you could, but you can’t.” Or… “How would you be able to collect data about revolutionaries in Mexico? (Marshall: “I can’t think of a safe way.”) Well, I wasn’t talking about a safe way. That’s what grad students are for.”

Don’t worry; I’m not going to fail this class. I’m half listening at the moment, and I already learned this material in my Poli Stats class last semester. Well, I’m assuming you care. If not, that’s just fyi.

LOL He just told us about a random statistical discovery he made. Evidently, Hispanics do not settle near clusters of mobile homes. Where you find great concentrations of mobile homes, you do not find Hispanic populations. So, my thoughts are…if we start replacing American buildings with mobile home compounds, we will have automatically solved our illegal immigration problem. They’ll just leave. Wow, I knew the South was good for something.

Yay, lunchtime!

Another gray day

Today was a normal day, more or less. Nothing spectacular. Classes weren't canceled, like I had suspected, so it was just another soggy, gray morning. I really enjoyed my voice lesson, though, and I think I'm beginning to make some progress with my tone. She's helping me to borrow some of the support from my lower register to blend my middle register with my upper register. Right now, it's really breathy, but it's improving. She said my high notes were " pingy " - which is evidently a good thing. Interesting adjective, that is. Anyway, I rushed off after lunch to an optometrist appointment in Cabot, found out that my eyes are perfectly fine (which was a relief -- they've been doing weird things which are evidently nothing to worry about), picked up stuff I forgot last week from Mom in the parking lot, and then drove back to school and went straight to voice lab. Despite the fact that I hated walking in the bitter cold from the parking lot all the way over to the music building, the lab was quite enjoyable. I liked listening to the older students sing since it gave me a lot of insight about technique. Dr. Antolik also did quite a bit of individual coaching with them in front of everyone, so we were all able to reap the benefits of their " lesson. "

So, I tried to spend some time on homework tonight, and I got through the chapter I needed to read for my quiz tomorrow, but I decided to put off the rest and go work out with Cameron for a little while, which was quite a good idea, if I do say so myself. I challenged myself a bit more than usual and tried some new things. I thought I was going to come right back and finish the homework...but as usual, God had other plans. I ended up talking about some pretty important stuff with a couple of good friends, and it was definitely one of those instances where people and spiritual growth took priority over school. The homework that I'll have half-finished for tomorrow isn't crucial, though, and the ability to watch God work in and through me is well worth a couple of homework points. I'm glad I've finally learned that lesson. Sure, there's a place for academic responsibility - I don't take it lightly - but spiritual responsibilities must take priority sometimes.

Oh, for anyone reading this...if you would pray for my computer, I'd really appreciate it. I wasn't planning on replacing it for another couple of months, but the bottom 1/3 of my screen is starting to go out. It's hung on for 4 years...a few more months is all I'm asking!

Anyway, I'm going to go shower now because I'm all sweaty and smelly from working out, and then I'm going to get some sleep. Wow, that combination sounds so good. I'm excited.

A Fresh Start

So, a lot has changed in my life over the past few months, but I'm not going to worry about explaining any of that here. As far as I'm concerned, this is a fresh start. :)

You know...I really couldn't be happier with life than I am right now. It's just ridiculous. And it's more than just having amazing friends, intriguing classes, rediscovered passions, or a sense of vitality and confidence; it's having a peace that quiets the mind, a contentment that calms the soul, and a joy that overflows my spirit.

I suppose it didn't all appear suddenly. Actually, I'm sure it didn't. I think it was born when I shattered my jar a couple of weeks ago, and it's grown since then as God has taught me to choose faith, choose hope, choose peace, choose contentment, and choose joy. I think I'm going to write all of those down and stick them to the ceiling above my bed tomorrow so that they're the first thing I see in the morning when I open my eyes.

Anyway, it's really late, and I'm not enjoying the feeling of tiredness quite so much anymore. Maybe classes will be canceled tomorrow; maybe they won't. Either way, life goes on, and God is good. What more can I ask for?